Good Day Gentlemen, I’m writing today having had a Black Angus Steak Burger and some fries…. Best stuff ever!!!
But now, I’d like to broach the issue of Damaged Men… First, let me define Damaged!!!!... Lets start with Immature, Insecure, Needy, Hurt, and Broken.
The damage I believe really began years ago… For the last 50 or so years we’ve had single mothers raising men children.. We had a social welfare system that forced men out of the home so that women could collect social services… This created the entire “I don’t need a man” complex in a lot of women… Today 72% of black children grow up in single parent homes..
This also created an undesirable side affect. That is that because the women have no man in their lives the man-child becomes their de-facto man… How many women do we hear calling their sons Lil-Man… or Man-Man….. Ladies, he’s not a man… He’s not YOUR man…… he’s a child… You trying to create that man-child into the image of what you THINK a man should be is in part responsible for what we see today.
The fact is, for as many purported strong and independent women we hear about, none of them have ever been men. None of them will ever be men, None of them possess the qualities or capabilities to teach a man child how to be a man. These single moms have to discipline their children, and sometimes harshly… Many because of the age that they had the child are not mature enough to deal with the stress of child rearing… they lose control and create an atmosphere of respect through fear… Yes!.. the man-child fears his mother
This doesn’t, by no means, lets the fathers off the hook… The men fathering these children are the dope boys, hustlers or convicts…. Some just abandon the child because they’re incapable of being a man and providing for his seed.
The result is that now for 50 or more years, we’ve had men-children emulating their mothers which probably accounts for the explosion of gay men.. I’m still waiting for a study of how many gay men were raised in single parent households and emulated their mothers. Another path is the streets end up raising these young boys… They find comfort in the criminality and hustle. Gangs become family and a cycle of violence and poverty ensues. The other path is for that man child to become educated, go to college and have a life where he’s a contributor to society
This doesn’t negate the effect of the damage inflicted… Childhood abandonment inflicted by his biologic father & the resulting “not good enough” pathology…. An overbearing or abusive mother who will raise her hand and brutalize that child… when all that child desires is to be loved and comforted…. However that man child turns out much of the resulting adult man can be laid at the feet of his parents..
So, here’s the issue… These men grow up, and adjust the best way they know how. Get into relationships but never really fix the damage. This hurt is then projected on to their mate, wife, significant other and even their own children.
Hurt people only know how to hurt people.. the mothers of these men-children are hurt, so they hurt the child…. The child is hurt and grows up hurting other people… and never is the finger pointed at the ones who created the hurt… As I stated at the beginning for 50 or more years, single mothers have been raising men-children….
Put simply, the blame must be laid where it belongs. There may be some that don’t want to hear that… there may even be some who reject it… But the facts are undeniable.
Men who have insecurity issues, Trust issues, or Confidence/self esteem issues…. Men who are man whores screwing everything in sight…. Men who are gay because they’ve spent the formative years emulating their mothers dress and make up habits.. men with a misguided view of what a woman should be, because the only woman that they’ve ever know was abusive or brutalized them..
Yes Damaged and hurt men exist… yes those men need to look in the mirror and see who they really are and seek either Spiritual or Secular therapy to grow beyond their issues. In the end, we must find ways to break the cycle and mitigate the damage…
Gentlemen, if you’re hurting.. find help… Seek the comfort of the woman you’re involved with… talk it out… cry it out…. But please do not take it out on your spouse, date, significant other or children… Bouncing from relationship to relationship… Drowning your hurt in alcohol…. Smoking your hurt away with illegal substances is never going to heal you…
And ladies… if you’re not ready or willing to deal with the hurt/damaged man… be honest with him.. he may be successful… he may be the neighborhood dope boy….. but be honest… You can support him with your friendship and prayers… Being involved with him romantically you need to see it for exactly what it is…
Look inside yourself Gentlemen… you are the only one who knows what you’ve been through. See your hurt and seek some help.. at this point… all you can do is move forward… irrespective of who is to blame
Editor – DNYC
