The Woman Of My Dreams

Good Day Gentlemen… Its been some time since I’ve contributed to this blog… However as the cooler fall weather is now upon us …. It is officially now “boo” season…. No!!! I’m not talking about Halloween!!!

This is usually the time of the year where bloggers, magazines, and other online outlets begin to discuss the “ideal” woman… or “how to keep a man”…. Or “how to get a man”…. The articles have already begun to appear… These articles are great entertainment. However, they offer somewhat of a Pollyanna view of love and relationships.

My ideal woman is never listed in any of those articles. Even as I’ve matured in age, wants, needs, and desires… The woman of my dreams never seems to be encapsulated in any of those articles.

A lot of men will say regular sex, a cooked meal & STFU is the ideal woman. So I will concede at the outset that the ideal woman is going to be different for every man

My frame of reference for the woman of my dreams goes back to the women in my family… My Grandmother and Mom were  the epitome of silent strength.. Neither were obnoxious, loud, or prideful… Neither of them screamed to the world “I’m a strong bla bla bla bla”… they just did it..  Both of them offered unconditional love and never expected anything of me… Then, my sisters… They challenged me and screened out the women who may not have been best for me.  My sisters gave me an insight to women that I’d otherwise not have. They both love their children and would sacrifice anything for their families..  Last are my daughters… The epitome of beauty, youth, and vitality. My daughters keep me young but they also bring out in me a strong desire to protect. I’ve been blessed to not have any teen pregnancies or substance abuse.

As I reflect on the woman of my dreams It becomes natural to default to my foundation… or my frame of reference.  As a man I can already do all of the “domestic” things that are traditionally considered the female gender role in the home… Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry etc… is something every man should be competent at….. As an adult I’m already taking care of my “financial house”… the Fiduciary role and stewardship that I have over my home is essential to me being here.. Spiritually, I’ve been walking with God for 15yrs now and I’ve been blessed beyond measure.

On the surface  it would appear as though the traditional things men look for in an “ideal” mate are already addressed in my life … so how does a woman fit into that…

I’ve never pursued the loud or obnoxious…. I was never too keen on people who desired to be in the spotlight.. In the age of “swagger” it becomes difficult to find a woman who’s confident and comfortable in her own skin… without being obtuse about it..  So, without any further delay lets get into it..

The woman of my dreams would be conservative in her dress, demeanor, and appearance.  I don’t need a woman who’s selling it, or trying to sell it to every man walking by… Those that desire that type of attention need don’t get my time.  Faux Fashionista’s need not apply

The woman of my dreams would need to love her father….  Simply because that is the man who has protected, prayed and covered her…. He’s eventually the man that I will ask for her hand… before I ask for her hand

The woman of my dreams should smile.... laugh... be able to have fun.... Life is serious enough, having that inner joy and catering to your inner child is vital.....

The woman of my dreams must be cultured, have class,  and be refined….  Please understand that there is a difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork… KNOW how to carry yourself in a variety of situations … above all, be a lady

The woman of my dreams must have manners and is polite…. Not just to me… but to everyone… I’m a firm believer in how you treat other people… you’ll eventually treat me

The woman of my dreams should be a person is selfless NOT selfish…. Christ said the GREATEST among you will be your servant….. My nature is to serve and be that Christ like servant… so I desire the same…

The woman of my dreams should be a woman of integrity… a woman of loyalty…. The truth is, there will be good times… there will be bad…. If the way you deal with adversity is to bail out… I don’t need you in my life…. Pray and Persevere is how adversity is handled…

The woman of my dreams should be passionate…. About life… about love… about service to the community….

The woman of my dreams should be well read, and aware of the world around her…. Yeah, knowing the latest lil wayne song may be important…. But knowing the current news of the day is also important…

The woman of my Dreams should love God and put him before everything else in her life….  We may be at different stages of our walks with God… but she must have a walk with God that she can feel and is tangible in her life daily

The woman of my dreams must have a pure heart… is ready to love…. She cannot be so jaded by the world.. past hurts… past relationships that the bricks of hurt, pain, and past relationships are the wall that starts being built between us from day one

The woman of my dreams must see the home as a sanctuary….  We fight the world outside the door… The home should be a sanctuary of peace and love.. …

Finally, The woman of my dreams should be a dreamer… and a supporter of dreams… From the moment I meet her, I will lay out the vision for my life.. my financial vision,  and my spiritual vision..  Understanding her role as a help meet is important… HOWEVER, her being a dreamer and a visionary allows me to support her vision, dreams, and goals…..

PS: Last – The woman of my dreams should see herself as a queen…. No one or nothing will ever come between us

Gentlemen, understand that while this is not a complete list… this pretty much summarizes what my desire is. I didn’t come to this overnight and I’ve made my share of mistakes… Please understand, that the woman of your dreams can be a reality if you discern rightly…. Remove the concubines… side chicks… chicks with no money looking for a free meal .. or free movie….  Remove the women from your life who don’t seek your best interest…..

What you will find… You already know the woman of your dreams… its just that your view is clouded by all the nonsense in your life. ….. Just think about it

Namaste…

One, DNYC

5 Assets Women Need To Become 'Ms. Right'

It is true that the perfect man or woman doesn't exist. However, this rarely keep us from seeking the best when pursuing a relationship partner. Many men go into relationships just hoping their personalities and idiosyncrasies are accepted by women. But rest assured -- guys have compiled a lengthy requirements list of their own when it comes to choosing "Ms. Right". Let's take a moment to focus on the needs and desires of those respectable, upstanding Black men who often find it difficult to connect with a good woman.

Obviously, the lack of good women isn't the issue. There are plenty to go around. But the challenge is finding a good one who possesses the qualities most men wish for.

Mybrotha.COM has compiled a list of the five most desired assets Black men seek in their 'Ms. Right'. Also included, is a brief description of how these assets influence the hearts and minds of men, and what women can do to make sure they're keeping up.

1) Support System

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Most successful men have come to realize that a woman who has no goals or interests of her own, will have no interest in his goals and interests. A supportive spouse is essential for long-term relationship stability and will ultimately determine whether or not he succeeds or fails. The old adage "Behind every great man, is a great woman." -- holds an enormous amount of merit.

The saying is born out of observing the histories of the world's most successful men, how they persevered, and the support system in which they thrived. It's not a coincidence that even stronger, respectable women stood by their sides a majority of the time.

Whether your mate is a multi-million dollar marketing executive, a gym owner, or a goat-herder -- supporting his dreams and endeavors speaks volumes and is representative of your true love.

2) Being Sexy

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There is nothing more tantalizing or satisfying, than having a beautiful woman to love and who loves you. Women naturally keep up their appearances whether they're in a relationship or not, but men hold an enormous amount of respect for those sistas who take the time to shine.

If you're a frumpy dresser who walks around with a permanent frown, be prepared for some extremely lonely nights during the dating years.

You don't have to wear the most expensive clothes, or pile on layers of makeup. But most men are visual creatures and our hearts are easily influenced by beauty and style. Once you capture us with your sexy image -- our minds take over and begin to concentrate on more important things.

3) Suzy-Homemaker

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This may seem "1950-ish", but men do still love women who are great around the house. Good food, a clean environment, washed clothes, and well-kept children are important characteristics in determining whether or not a woman is wife material, or just someone to hang out with.

Husbands around the world will tell you that most men do not fully appreciate those women who are great homemakers. It's an unforgiving job and not all women are good at it. For those who excel in this arena, there is undoubtedly a glorious future with a good man waiting for you.

Now before you ladies get too steamed over the idea of being a homemaker, the desire is no different than a woman wanting some old-fashioned basics from a man (i.e. someone who is courageous; able to provide some sense of physical security; someone to lift those heavy boxes; and someone to mow the grass, etc.)

4) A Spiritual Mind

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If you have no belief in a higher power, don't come crying to us on Judgement Day! Men who hold a strong spiritual connection with God, need women who are equally in tune with their own spirituality. Even if you can't tithe as much as you would like, or attend services every week -- a strong moral fiber rooted in your religious beliefs is important.

Any disconnect on a spiritual level will surely cause an imbalance in your relationship. A man who believes in a divine power and who worships regularly, will retain a moral and ethical system of beliefs -- and most good Black men seek a woman of great character who also follows the same, or complementary system.

You won't agree on every aspect of faith and religion, but a common ground is necessary for sustained growth.

5) Smarty Pants

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Most guys won't admit it, but we really do look for women who are as smart, or smarter than we are. Men don't know everything... (though some of us think we do!), and usually find comfort in knowing we have an intelligent partner we can lean on.

We're not talking about a box full of college degrees here. But some level of academic success is a desire of many Black men. Guys believe that women who possess a sharp wit, are irreplaceable and command the utmost respect.

For men -- women with a high intelligence level are good for the duration of the relationship. This isn't necessarily true when those heated debates occur...(this is when guys wish women didn't know what they were talking about), but a woman with a strong mind is ultimately a blessing.

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A worthwhile note here: All of these special assets work best when they are given with feeling and heartfelt desire. You have to want to support your spouse in his endeavors, and you have to want to be sexy, spiritual, and passionate about being his partner.

Simply going through the motions because you think it's how you should behave, will soon become a tedious task you no longer want to participate in.

"OMG! Your Baggage is CROWDING my space!"