This Thing Called LOVE

Gentlemen, We can discuss how to change out mindset, how to dress, how to become more spiritual and an array of issues on being a gentleman... However, if your purpose for dating is to find LOVE that will last a lifetime, find a love partner that will span for eternity.. this is an important read!!!

1 Cor 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Searching for love these days can get you hurt. People are crazier than ever before and they don't know how to love or be loved most of the times. You can really love someone and be taken for granted or be kicked to the curb, or you can choose to not love and be lonely and bitter. Love is one of those things that you have to give in to if you ever expect to be happy in this life. But we must first understand that love is of God and it's a fruit of his Spirit. So, if you are "of" God, then you should love for real! Be patient with the ones you love. Don't abuse them or expect them to be perfect. Always look at yourself and your own shortcomings when you are loving someone. That way, you can always understand that we make mistakes, but true love understands and is not short tempered.

The greatest love of all, contrary to what that Whitney song said, is laying down your life for someone. This is the love of God. To put yourself aside and to give to others. In a relationship, a friendship, or just a good brotherly love, you have to practice forsaking yourself for others. Real love will cause you to not say certain things that you know will offend the ones you love. Real love will cause you to ask instead of command. Real love will cause you to be concerned instead of judgmental. Real love puts your own needs aside for the needs of others. God loved us so much that he put heaven on hold, sent his son to die for us. He gave his very life for us and showed us why he is love! And that's the attitude we must have towards the people we say we love. It can't always be about you, but real love will cause you to focus on the needs of others. If you are a Christian, then act like one and love for real. Real love will always show up in your actions and if you have love for someone, you will always treat them as good as yourself. That's real love!

Suggested Reading: John 15:13, Titus 3:4, Eph. 3:17, 1John 4:7, 1John 4:12

How you date... Is how you marry

Today I'm going to talk about the courtship ritual. Many people today have forsaken social or serial dating. Forgoing "Social Dating" means giving up the traditional black book/different female every week and instead choosing one woman to spend your time with.. Determining weather she's the one you can see in your life... for the rest of your life.

While this has it's intrinsic problems. For one, discerning one person can be time consuming and somewhat problematic... because the one you select may in fact be serial dating. There's nothing wrong with this but just like women don't like to feel like one of many... Men equally don't want to feel like they're one of many. Even if the reality is that if she's attractive, there will be multiple male suitors vying for her attention. The obvious question is to separate yourself from the crowd. RECOGNIZE every man will bring her flowers and candy... think outside the box & DON'T DO THAT... BE CREATIVE.. make yourself the one that she thinks about during the day... However, once you get her attention you must keep her attention by treat her well. What was true yesterday is true today... how you date.. is how you marry... if you're easily angered, dismissive, inconsiderate or rude of other people... then it's not a far stretch for her to believe that you will be that way towards her..

Scripture give us a some practical ways to earn her respect, loyalty and love... Remember women are forward thinking... you may be thinking about second date.. she's thinking about marriage and beyond..

Stay consistent in your temperament and treatment of her (& others you both encounter... she's looking at the way you treat other people too)... I Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife. She gave up her name to take yours. Honor means that you should show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and emotional support. Be sure that as her husband that you do not hold her up to ridicule in public by the cutting remarks that you make. She wears YOUR name and is to viewed as part of your body. She is not perfect and you are aware of this. Do not expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, "forbear one another". This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior - are ways by which you can exhibit forbearance.

Start your relationship with good practices of mutual respect. Maintaing control over your attitude and temperament goes a really long way in making her feel secure about being with you and seeing a longer term relationship with you

The point is you may never get married.. but when you begin to treat her a certain way, she' will respond favorably to that treatment

Editor - DNYC 

Qualities of a Man

1.Priest - Leads his family and community spiritually. He prays with and for his family daily because he knows that the fervent, effectual prayers of a righteous man avail much. He takes his family to church and is not simply present on Sundays but actively involved. He stays submitted to the church and its vision.

2.King - Provides financial, emotional, and physical stability for whom he is responsible for.

3.Warrior/Soldier - A protector. His spirit is assertive and aggressive. He is willing to live and die for what he believes in.

4.Character - He does not compromise his beliefs. He has a problem with buying bootleg CDs and DVDs.

5.Disciplined - Controls his flesh. He understands that success only comes with discipline and there is no room for excuses. He has enough self-control to stop lusting, drinking, smoking, lying, and fornicating.

6.Accountable - Allows himself to be challenged and held to a higher standard than the world would dictate. No man can be strong if he is not accountable to someone else. Do not refuse instruction and always seek wise and Godly counsel. A man without accountability is a dangerous man.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -- Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

7.Committed - Will do whatever it takes to achieve goals. Sleepless nights are a small price to pay.

8.Servant - Jesus was a servant so never believe that serving others needs before your own is beneath you.

9.Visionary - Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision the people perish". This man is living today but also sees tomorrow, he is planning and preparing for the future. He has conceived something in his mind and is now moving toward bringing that thing into existence.

10.Leader - He is the “point man”. He leads by example and sets the tone. This man understands that as he goes, so the family goes.


01.28.2011 - Tavaris Long

Residential Dating

Residential Dating:

Gentlemen, given that there are economic struggles and the fact that dating is expensive (relatively). The average meal for two people costs anywhere from $60-100 or more… We must discuss the issue of Residential Dating

Definition – Residential Dating is having a date at her home or yours

There are some important things to remember…

1. Every date cannot be a residential date

2. Your appearance and dress be the same as if you were going out

3. You will not go into any room of the house except dining and living room

4. She’s trusting you in her home, don’t leave toilet seats up

5. Do not search her medicine cabinet or peek into personal items

6. Do not take your shoes off and put your feet up on the couch

7. Help her clean up after the meal

8. Bring a bottle of wine or flowers (do not show up empty handed)

9. Do not expect sexual intimacy (respect her home)

10. Do not touch her… until/unless you’re in an exclusive relationship

The same rules should apply if she’s coming to your home for a residential date with a few additions

1. Clean the entire house especially the kitchen (putting all dishes away)

2. Clean the bathroom thoroughly

3. Do not dominate the TV (correction NO TV unless it’s a movie you agree to)

4. Even though it’s your home, dress as if you were going out

5. Offer her hospitality, you are the host… keep the wine chilled

6. Learn how to set a table with appropriate flatware

7. Have photos of your childhood to spark conversation

8. Make sure you have everything … Supermarket runs are a distraction

9. Turn off all phones in the house

10. Turn off any computers or anything that will be distractions

Last: gentlemen.. Leave her home at a respectable time.. and if she's at your home, make sure to get her home at a decent hour... it's a date... not a sleep over...

She’s trying to see you in your environment, Be the perfect host, and the perfect Gentleman. Also, be yourself, this is your home and she doesn’t need to see your “representative”… Be natural.. be yourself....

Many women believe that how you date is how you marry… be consistent in your courtship ritual , put good habits in place so whether you’re residential dating or going out she sees the same person. If she’s important enough for you to begin planning a life w/ her… then your cleanliness, courtesy, appreciation, and attentiveness to her are critical.

Editor - DNYC

Impact Moments

In creating a moment for her, you're also distinguishing yourself from the crowd. Fact is, the woman of your dreams may have many men vying for her attention. When you approach her with something that's uniquely you, you differentiate yourself from the herd.

1. Think outside the box, be creative in what you give her
2. Stay away from crowded restaurants or live music (you want to talk, not be entertained or distracted)
3. Engage in conversation, avoid work, religion & politics
4. Compliment her (she took time to get ready, NOTICE EVERYTHING)
5. Dress to impress, you're a Gentleman.. not a hip hop star or a pro athlete
6. Stand when she enters a room, stand when she leaves...
7. Don't be in a rush to eat, allow her to order her drink and food before you.
8. Have coffee after the meal, Turning the table over for the wait staff is not your concern...
9. keep your hands to yourself.. do not touch a woman who's not your wife or exclusive/monogamous
10. Smile.. Laugh.. Engage... enjoy her company..

These are some simple things, but b/c most men don't take the time to THINK.. they often fail to get a second date, or it becomes something that's not memorable for her... You're trying to court her attention... your competition isn't the other men in her smart phone... your competition is YOU...

Rise or Fall on your own merit

Think/Behave with respect for yourself and for her

Editor... DNYC

Purpose - Return of the Gentleman

The Year of the Gentlemen - Return of the Gentleman 

"DRESS-UP" Challenge will start - Tuesday, March 1, 2011 

Guidlines: 

1. We will Dress at least 3 times a week 

2. We will reject the impulse rock athletic or Hip/Hop gear

3. Our shoes will be polished, our clothes will be pressed 

4. We will wear a sport coat in the presence of a lady 

5. We will wear a tie for any meal with a lady 

6. We will exercise chivalry at ALL times

7. We will not touch a woman in public 

EXCEPTION: You must be in a exclusive relationship

8. We will ensure were properly groomed (hair, nails, shaven)

9. We will not use our mobile devices while out with a lady

Invite a Friend(s), Take Pics, & lets show the ladies that we can be.. Gentlemen

Everyone is WELCOME to participate.

Exceptions: Golf Shirts will be acceptable BUT NO DOCKER STYLE PANTS. or anything that would be considered casual

If you have a blog share it with your followers.

Let's bring back:

Charm, Savoir-faire, Style & Chivalry 

WE WILL DO BETTER IN OUR DRESS & OUR ATTITUDE

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