101yrs of Achievement in Every Field of Human Endeavor - Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc.

Bloomington, IN today is known for being the home of Indiana University, among the higher regarded public institutions of higher learning. But prior to January 5, 1911, it is more of a battison of inequity instead of living up to its motto of Lux et Veritas (Light and Truth).

The truth is for the handful of African-Americans attending the school at the time due to the presence of Jim Crow laws, students not only have limited opportunities to interact with each other, but also are strategically barred and denied opportunities to participate in extra-curricular activities with the larger mainstream population, save for the track and field team. Add to it the hard to believe fact (but read the statistics) that the state with the largest number of reported lynchings is indeed the Hoosier State, and it is clear that this section of the country, let alone the nation at large, is clearly lacking in sense, civility, or humanity.

And then came January 5, 1911, along with the 10 young men who are able to pool their collective resources and talents together as a means of support and achievement in light of the clearly hostile environment present on campus and the immediate area. From its May 15th (1911) incorporation as Kappa Alpha Nu to its eventual resolution in December of 1914 and its finally effective change on April 15, 1915 to Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., the fraternal organization is able to be a galvanizing presence in matters related to education, business, athletics, and other fields of importance and relevance.

Be it through their male-mentoring intiatives via the Kappa League, their long standing Guide Right program, their $1 million pledge to support the medical research efforts of St Jude's Children's Hospital, the presence and contributions of member such as (but not limited to) Dr. Calvin Butts, Walt Hazzard, Montell Jordan, John Singleton, Ralph Wiley (one of my favorite authors), Arthur Ashe, Sanford Bishop (D-GA), and Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed, their impact is genuinely felt, noticed, and appreciated in the areas of education, government, entertainment, business, and other fields.

For 101 years, the men of Kappa have been keeping it together for the greater good in their own creative ways, shapes, and forms. In building upon the principles and premises established by their 10 founders, one of whom is born (and presumably buried) in the very same county that many of my relatives are from, Christian County (KY), it is clear that at 101, they are far from done.

Then again, what else would you expect when you are focused and committed to achievement in every field of human endeavor...

Courtesy Andrew Snorton 

A Servant's Spirit

Good Morning Gentlemen and Merry Christmas.

Over the last year the focus of this blog has been to encourage you to be Gentlemen. It takes a unique kind of person to be a gentleman.  It is said that not every woman is a lady, but every lady is a woman…. The same holds true here!

Yes you can be a man, strong, independent, and capable of handling your own business. You can have career, clothes, wealth and women. However, Lets be clear… NONE of that makes you a Gentleman NONE OF IT

What it takes is a servant’s spirit. It takes a desire to ALWAYS put other people first. From the wait staff at the restaurant, to the elderly lady needing a go ahead of you in the supermarket….. and yes, to the woman that you are courting.

I’ve stated from the beginning that women desire consideration, consistency and stability… Each of those character attributes requires you to be selfless in everything you do… It cannot be something you fabricate temporarily to win her heart, she’s looking at how consistent you are!!!

Matt 23:11-12 “The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted”

There is a lot of false bravado amongst us men… We come off cocky and arrogant. We front who we are to our male friends, and even to some women who take the bait and go for everything that’s fake….

A truly humble man will be a servant… Self sacrificing in everything.. Giving of all….. NOT to impress any one woman…. But to make a difference in the life of HIS WOMAN.

When she comes to your home, are you ensuring she got something to drink or do you make her plate… do you wash her dishes and turn over the remote. Do you hold her hand as she steps out of the car… do you help her with her coat…. When you’re in bed do you make sure she’s pleased before you race to the endzone…. Are you helping her financially when she needs it.. emotionally when she cries…. Are you there just to here her vent her frustrations over work…

Gentlemen, you know if you are selfish…. Or selfless… YOU know whether you are a giver or a taker… YOU know that you walk around believing the world revolves around you or not…

Selflessness and sacrifice is sometimes difficult. However, far too many men want a woman who can cook… clean… and be willing to serve their every need…. But are unwilling to do the same…

The only place you can look is the mirror to understand whether you have a servants spirit…. I encourage you to drop the false bravado… leave behind concerns of what others will think… Be the person you desire… and the person you desire will manifest in your life.

You can be great in her eyes… and greater in her heart ….. Because, the truth is…. “the greatest among you will be your servant”


Merry Christmas
Editor - DNYC

Our Women Need Us

Good Afternoon Gentlemen, Today I’m speaking directly to you…. Directly about the nonsense that our women go through for you.. About the heartache they feel when you abandon them.... About our mothers... our sisters... our daughters.... our wives... our women!!!!!

They’ve been screaming out for over forty years that they need us.. They need us to take our hands off our cracks.... They need us to stop scratching our balls and put down the false bravado.... They need us to stop playing playstation…. They need us to stop going to jail…. They need us to stop walking around like thugs with our pants below our buttocks… They need us to be responsible fathers and friends.. They need us to put down all of the childish attitudes and behaviors of boys... and BE MEN!!!

Our community is dying men… Black men desire to go to jail and not college.. Black men want to have sex and not be fathers…. Black men are substance abusers or illegal substance sellers.. Black men would rather spend their money on 26” rims than spend their money building wealth

Gentlemen we’ve been here for 400 years… Through slavery and oppression we’ve stood by our women. When we didn’t have the means we held our families together. We went to wars for this country and came home to build families and communities… Even in our darkest days we supported each other as men. However, our community seems to be going backwards.... We simply can no longer blame it on "the man" oppressing us... the school system not educating us.... or any of the other post traumatic slave syndrom that has become the default excuse....

Over the last 50yrs we’ve had everyone influencing our women… EXCEPT US…  We’ve had Gov’t force us out of our homes so that our women can get AFDC, Section 8 and Food Stamps….. We’ve had desegregation empower black women to have jobs and be self sustaining WITHOUT US… We’ve allowed the Oprah Winfrey’s of the world screaming their feminist garbage to our women without any thought of Us

We’ve abdicated our responsibility as men… We’ve allowed this to happen… Our children are growing up not knowing what a father is…. We have more baby mommas than wives… Our boys are growing up emulating their mothers , as a result we’ve got an explosion of Gay Black men or Down Low men who don’t think having sex with a man makes them gay…. Our daughters are being sold into prostitution… They believe they must be a stripper or stripper type to be accepted… Music video by us men reinforce that message…. Our Daughters are getting pregnant at younger and younger ages… ALL OF THIS BECAUSE WE’VE ABDICATED OUR RESPONSIBILITY.... We've turned our back on God and as a result Satan and Chaos has taken over our homes and our communities....

Gentlemen, this is a call to arms… Our women need us… Our families need us… Our children need us… They need us in college… They need us in church/mosque/synagog....  They need us out of jail…. They need us to stop promoting criminality…. They need us to take our rightful positions in our homes…. They need us to take our rightful positions following God, Allah, Jehova… or whomever you call God….. They need us to begin building generational wealth… They need us to be fathers… husbands… and pillars of the community....

Gentlemen, they need us... Grab her hand and hold on like your life depends on it!!!!! Because it does.....

Editor, DNYC

Editorial - Angry Black Men & Social Media

Editorial: Ladies and Gentlemen.... The Beauty of Black Relationships is shutting down in 30days.... it should be sooner!!!!!

Since Saturday, I've watched an insulant child lash out at a woman (his ex) on facebook because she decided to leave and no longer tollerate his long rants, bloviated statements, Insults, loathing, and pure hatred of black women. Under the guise of taking the black family back... My observation is that he attempted to masque his hatred of black women, PERIOD!!!...  

Let me say for the record... he won't be missed... It becomes problematic as a man, for you to decry single unwed black mothers and Black Women on a daily basis... Where was your wisdom when you moved this woman into your home (that you say you love) in a 3 month relationship without properly discerning her character.... Where was your morality when you got that woman pregnant.... Where was the love when you complain about that woman on a daily basis (she doesn't cook.. she doesn't clean... bla bla bla).. Where is the respect when you assail and insult her mother and sister for the choices they made in life that led them to being single black unwed mothers..... How is it beautiful Become hostile toward all black women calling them bitter, contemptuous, hostile towards black men, traitors to the black family etc...... She left because until you put a ring on her finger, her loyalty isn't to you.... ITS TO HER FAMILY....

You take no responsibility for YOUR choices in bringing that woman into your home without discerning her character... You fail to look at your culpability in making her EXACTLY WHAT YOU DECRY... A SINGLE UNWED BLACK MOTHER.... Fail to honor her, love her, and respect her... You allow your hurt/pain to rule your attitudes toward black women while selfishly and foolishly believe that YOU WEREN'T THE PROBLEM.... so you lash out... 

Over the next few days what we saw was absolutely ridiculous... A man posting the name of the woman, her mother, her sister... Continuing to insult her, putting her family business out on social networking... AND STILL YOU TAKE NO OWNERSHIP IN YOUR PART IN THIS.... Its absolutely disgusting to watch a SELF PROCLAIMED "good black man" demonstrate to the world THAT HE'S NOT.... This is why I'm consistently telling men not to parrot that "i'm a good dude" bullissht..... Let your actions speak louder than your words....

When the woman that you've insulted and patronized for 90days leaves, you lash out... You demonstrate no maturity, no self control, no love for a person who you claimed to have loved. You compound your own HURT by creating a page called "the beauty of interracial relationships...... What???????

You sir will not be missed.... Good Riddens!!!!!

Gentlemen, Lets be very clear about this.... No matter how many ill, negative, angry, contemptuous, false bravado clad black women I meet or interact with... I CAN NEVER ASSIGN THE ACTIONS OF A FEW TO THE WHOLE.... Second, Men do not go in (attack) women on a public forum.... If she chose to leave without any closure, phone call, text..etc.... Let her leave... It must always be her choice whether to stay or go..... IT IS UP TO YOU TO GIVE HER A REASON TO STAY.... because she will damn sure find a reason to leave if you give her one.... 

DNYC - Moderator/Editor "Year of the Gentlemen/Return of the Gentleman"

The Woman Of My Dreams

Good Day Gentlemen… Its been some time since I’ve contributed to this blog… However as the cooler fall weather is now upon us …. It is officially now “boo” season…. No!!! I’m not talking about Halloween!!!

This is usually the time of the year where bloggers, magazines, and other online outlets begin to discuss the “ideal” woman… or “how to keep a man”…. Or “how to get a man”…. The articles have already begun to appear… These articles are great entertainment. However, they offer somewhat of a Pollyanna view of love and relationships.

My ideal woman is never listed in any of those articles. Even as I’ve matured in age, wants, needs, and desires… The woman of my dreams never seems to be encapsulated in any of those articles.

A lot of men will say regular sex, a cooked meal & STFU is the ideal woman. So I will concede at the outset that the ideal woman is going to be different for every man

My frame of reference for the woman of my dreams goes back to the women in my family… My Grandmother and Mom were  the epitome of silent strength.. Neither were obnoxious, loud, or prideful… Neither of them screamed to the world “I’m a strong bla bla bla bla”… they just did it..  Both of them offered unconditional love and never expected anything of me… Then, my sisters… They challenged me and screened out the women who may not have been best for me.  My sisters gave me an insight to women that I’d otherwise not have. They both love their children and would sacrifice anything for their families..  Last are my daughters… The epitome of beauty, youth, and vitality. My daughters keep me young but they also bring out in me a strong desire to protect. I’ve been blessed to not have any teen pregnancies or substance abuse.

As I reflect on the woman of my dreams It becomes natural to default to my foundation… or my frame of reference.  As a man I can already do all of the “domestic” things that are traditionally considered the female gender role in the home… Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry etc… is something every man should be competent at….. As an adult I’m already taking care of my “financial house”… the Fiduciary role and stewardship that I have over my home is essential to me being here.. Spiritually, I’ve been walking with God for 15yrs now and I’ve been blessed beyond measure.

On the surface  it would appear as though the traditional things men look for in an “ideal” mate are already addressed in my life … so how does a woman fit into that…

I’ve never pursued the loud or obnoxious…. I was never too keen on people who desired to be in the spotlight.. In the age of “swagger” it becomes difficult to find a woman who’s confident and comfortable in her own skin… without being obtuse about it..  So, without any further delay lets get into it..

The woman of my dreams would be conservative in her dress, demeanor, and appearance.  I don’t need a woman who’s selling it, or trying to sell it to every man walking by… Those that desire that type of attention need don’t get my time.  Faux Fashionista’s need not apply

The woman of my dreams would need to love her father….  Simply because that is the man who has protected, prayed and covered her…. He’s eventually the man that I will ask for her hand… before I ask for her hand

The woman of my dreams should smile.... laugh... be able to have fun.... Life is serious enough, having that inner joy and catering to your inner child is vital.....

The woman of my dreams must be cultured, have class,  and be refined….  Please understand that there is a difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork… KNOW how to carry yourself in a variety of situations … above all, be a lady

The woman of my dreams must have manners and is polite…. Not just to me… but to everyone… I’m a firm believer in how you treat other people… you’ll eventually treat me

The woman of my dreams should be a person is selfless NOT selfish…. Christ said the GREATEST among you will be your servant….. My nature is to serve and be that Christ like servant… so I desire the same…

The woman of my dreams should be a woman of integrity… a woman of loyalty…. The truth is, there will be good times… there will be bad…. If the way you deal with adversity is to bail out… I don’t need you in my life…. Pray and Persevere is how adversity is handled…

The woman of my dreams should be passionate…. About life… about love… about service to the community….

The woman of my dreams should be well read, and aware of the world around her…. Yeah, knowing the latest lil wayne song may be important…. But knowing the current news of the day is also important…

The woman of my Dreams should love God and put him before everything else in her life….  We may be at different stages of our walks with God… but she must have a walk with God that she can feel and is tangible in her life daily

The woman of my dreams must have a pure heart… is ready to love…. She cannot be so jaded by the world.. past hurts… past relationships that the bricks of hurt, pain, and past relationships are the wall that starts being built between us from day one

The woman of my dreams must see the home as a sanctuary….  We fight the world outside the door… The home should be a sanctuary of peace and love.. …

Finally, The woman of my dreams should be a dreamer… and a supporter of dreams… From the moment I meet her, I will lay out the vision for my life.. my financial vision,  and my spiritual vision..  Understanding her role as a help meet is important… HOWEVER, her being a dreamer and a visionary allows me to support her vision, dreams, and goals…..

PS: Last – The woman of my dreams should see herself as a queen…. No one or nothing will ever come between us

Gentlemen, understand that while this is not a complete list… this pretty much summarizes what my desire is. I didn’t come to this overnight and I’ve made my share of mistakes… Please understand, that the woman of your dreams can be a reality if you discern rightly…. Remove the concubines… side chicks… chicks with no money looking for a free meal .. or free movie….  Remove the women from your life who don’t seek your best interest…..

What you will find… You already know the woman of your dreams… its just that your view is clouded by all the nonsense in your life. ….. Just think about it

Namaste…

One, DNYC

5 Assets Women Need To Become 'Ms. Right'

It is true that the perfect man or woman doesn't exist. However, this rarely keep us from seeking the best when pursuing a relationship partner. Many men go into relationships just hoping their personalities and idiosyncrasies are accepted by women. But rest assured -- guys have compiled a lengthy requirements list of their own when it comes to choosing "Ms. Right". Let's take a moment to focus on the needs and desires of those respectable, upstanding Black men who often find it difficult to connect with a good woman.

Obviously, the lack of good women isn't the issue. There are plenty to go around. But the challenge is finding a good one who possesses the qualities most men wish for.

Mybrotha.COM has compiled a list of the five most desired assets Black men seek in their 'Ms. Right'. Also included, is a brief description of how these assets influence the hearts and minds of men, and what women can do to make sure they're keeping up.

1) Support System

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Most successful men have come to realize that a woman who has no goals or interests of her own, will have no interest in his goals and interests. A supportive spouse is essential for long-term relationship stability and will ultimately determine whether or not he succeeds or fails. The old adage "Behind every great man, is a great woman." -- holds an enormous amount of merit.

The saying is born out of observing the histories of the world's most successful men, how they persevered, and the support system in which they thrived. It's not a coincidence that even stronger, respectable women stood by their sides a majority of the time.

Whether your mate is a multi-million dollar marketing executive, a gym owner, or a goat-herder -- supporting his dreams and endeavors speaks volumes and is representative of your true love.

2) Being Sexy

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There is nothing more tantalizing or satisfying, than having a beautiful woman to love and who loves you. Women naturally keep up their appearances whether they're in a relationship or not, but men hold an enormous amount of respect for those sistas who take the time to shine.

If you're a frumpy dresser who walks around with a permanent frown, be prepared for some extremely lonely nights during the dating years.

You don't have to wear the most expensive clothes, or pile on layers of makeup. But most men are visual creatures and our hearts are easily influenced by beauty and style. Once you capture us with your sexy image -- our minds take over and begin to concentrate on more important things.

3) Suzy-Homemaker

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This may seem "1950-ish", but men do still love women who are great around the house. Good food, a clean environment, washed clothes, and well-kept children are important characteristics in determining whether or not a woman is wife material, or just someone to hang out with.

Husbands around the world will tell you that most men do not fully appreciate those women who are great homemakers. It's an unforgiving job and not all women are good at it. For those who excel in this arena, there is undoubtedly a glorious future with a good man waiting for you.

Now before you ladies get too steamed over the idea of being a homemaker, the desire is no different than a woman wanting some old-fashioned basics from a man (i.e. someone who is courageous; able to provide some sense of physical security; someone to lift those heavy boxes; and someone to mow the grass, etc.)

4) A Spiritual Mind

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If you have no belief in a higher power, don't come crying to us on Judgement Day! Men who hold a strong spiritual connection with God, need women who are equally in tune with their own spirituality. Even if you can't tithe as much as you would like, or attend services every week -- a strong moral fiber rooted in your religious beliefs is important.

Any disconnect on a spiritual level will surely cause an imbalance in your relationship. A man who believes in a divine power and who worships regularly, will retain a moral and ethical system of beliefs -- and most good Black men seek a woman of great character who also follows the same, or complementary system.

You won't agree on every aspect of faith and religion, but a common ground is necessary for sustained growth.

5) Smarty Pants

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Most guys won't admit it, but we really do look for women who are as smart, or smarter than we are. Men don't know everything... (though some of us think we do!), and usually find comfort in knowing we have an intelligent partner we can lean on.

We're not talking about a box full of college degrees here. But some level of academic success is a desire of many Black men. Guys believe that women who possess a sharp wit, are irreplaceable and command the utmost respect.

For men -- women with a high intelligence level are good for the duration of the relationship. This isn't necessarily true when those heated debates occur...(this is when guys wish women didn't know what they were talking about), but a woman with a strong mind is ultimately a blessing.

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A worthwhile note here: All of these special assets work best when they are given with feeling and heartfelt desire. You have to want to support your spouse in his endeavors, and you have to want to be sexy, spiritual, and passionate about being his partner.

Simply going through the motions because you think it's how you should behave, will soon become a tedious task you no longer want to participate in.

"OMG! Your Baggage is CROWDING my space!"