A Servant's Spirit

Good Morning Gentlemen and Merry Christmas.

Over the last year the focus of this blog has been to encourage you to be Gentlemen. It takes a unique kind of person to be a gentleman.  It is said that not every woman is a lady, but every lady is a woman…. The same holds true here!

Yes you can be a man, strong, independent, and capable of handling your own business. You can have career, clothes, wealth and women. However, Lets be clear… NONE of that makes you a Gentleman NONE OF IT

What it takes is a servant’s spirit. It takes a desire to ALWAYS put other people first. From the wait staff at the restaurant, to the elderly lady needing a go ahead of you in the supermarket….. and yes, to the woman that you are courting.

I’ve stated from the beginning that women desire consideration, consistency and stability… Each of those character attributes requires you to be selfless in everything you do… It cannot be something you fabricate temporarily to win her heart, she’s looking at how consistent you are!!!

Matt 23:11-12 “The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted”

There is a lot of false bravado amongst us men… We come off cocky and arrogant. We front who we are to our male friends, and even to some women who take the bait and go for everything that’s fake….

A truly humble man will be a servant… Self sacrificing in everything.. Giving of all….. NOT to impress any one woman…. But to make a difference in the life of HIS WOMAN.

When she comes to your home, are you ensuring she got something to drink or do you make her plate… do you wash her dishes and turn over the remote. Do you hold her hand as she steps out of the car… do you help her with her coat…. When you’re in bed do you make sure she’s pleased before you race to the endzone…. Are you helping her financially when she needs it.. emotionally when she cries…. Are you there just to here her vent her frustrations over work…

Gentlemen, you know if you are selfish…. Or selfless… YOU know whether you are a giver or a taker… YOU know that you walk around believing the world revolves around you or not…

Selflessness and sacrifice is sometimes difficult. However, far too many men want a woman who can cook… clean… and be willing to serve their every need…. But are unwilling to do the same…

The only place you can look is the mirror to understand whether you have a servants spirit…. I encourage you to drop the false bravado… leave behind concerns of what others will think… Be the person you desire… and the person you desire will manifest in your life.

You can be great in her eyes… and greater in her heart ….. Because, the truth is…. “the greatest among you will be your servant”


Merry Christmas
Editor - DNYC

Our Women Need Us

Good Afternoon Gentlemen, Today I’m speaking directly to you…. Directly about the nonsense that our women go through for you.. About the heartache they feel when you abandon them.... About our mothers... our sisters... our daughters.... our wives... our women!!!!!

They’ve been screaming out for over forty years that they need us.. They need us to take our hands off our cracks.... They need us to stop scratching our balls and put down the false bravado.... They need us to stop playing playstation…. They need us to stop going to jail…. They need us to stop walking around like thugs with our pants below our buttocks… They need us to be responsible fathers and friends.. They need us to put down all of the childish attitudes and behaviors of boys... and BE MEN!!!

Our community is dying men… Black men desire to go to jail and not college.. Black men want to have sex and not be fathers…. Black men are substance abusers or illegal substance sellers.. Black men would rather spend their money on 26” rims than spend their money building wealth

Gentlemen we’ve been here for 400 years… Through slavery and oppression we’ve stood by our women. When we didn’t have the means we held our families together. We went to wars for this country and came home to build families and communities… Even in our darkest days we supported each other as men. However, our community seems to be going backwards.... We simply can no longer blame it on "the man" oppressing us... the school system not educating us.... or any of the other post traumatic slave syndrom that has become the default excuse....

Over the last 50yrs we’ve had everyone influencing our women… EXCEPT US…  We’ve had Gov’t force us out of our homes so that our women can get AFDC, Section 8 and Food Stamps….. We’ve had desegregation empower black women to have jobs and be self sustaining WITHOUT US… We’ve allowed the Oprah Winfrey’s of the world screaming their feminist garbage to our women without any thought of Us

We’ve abdicated our responsibility as men… We’ve allowed this to happen… Our children are growing up not knowing what a father is…. We have more baby mommas than wives… Our boys are growing up emulating their mothers , as a result we’ve got an explosion of Gay Black men or Down Low men who don’t think having sex with a man makes them gay…. Our daughters are being sold into prostitution… They believe they must be a stripper or stripper type to be accepted… Music video by us men reinforce that message…. Our Daughters are getting pregnant at younger and younger ages… ALL OF THIS BECAUSE WE’VE ABDICATED OUR RESPONSIBILITY.... We've turned our back on God and as a result Satan and Chaos has taken over our homes and our communities....

Gentlemen, this is a call to arms… Our women need us… Our families need us… Our children need us… They need us in college… They need us in church/mosque/synagog....  They need us out of jail…. They need us to stop promoting criminality…. They need us to take our rightful positions in our homes…. They need us to take our rightful positions following God, Allah, Jehova… or whomever you call God….. They need us to begin building generational wealth… They need us to be fathers… husbands… and pillars of the community....

Gentlemen, they need us... Grab her hand and hold on like your life depends on it!!!!! Because it does.....

Editor, DNYC

Editorial - Angry Black Men & Social Media

Editorial: Ladies and Gentlemen.... The Beauty of Black Relationships is shutting down in 30days.... it should be sooner!!!!!

Since Saturday, I've watched an insulant child lash out at a woman (his ex) on facebook because she decided to leave and no longer tollerate his long rants, bloviated statements, Insults, loathing, and pure hatred of black women. Under the guise of taking the black family back... My observation is that he attempted to masque his hatred of black women, PERIOD!!!...  

Let me say for the record... he won't be missed... It becomes problematic as a man, for you to decry single unwed black mothers and Black Women on a daily basis... Where was your wisdom when you moved this woman into your home (that you say you love) in a 3 month relationship without properly discerning her character.... Where was your morality when you got that woman pregnant.... Where was the love when you complain about that woman on a daily basis (she doesn't cook.. she doesn't clean... bla bla bla).. Where is the respect when you assail and insult her mother and sister for the choices they made in life that led them to being single black unwed mothers..... How is it beautiful Become hostile toward all black women calling them bitter, contemptuous, hostile towards black men, traitors to the black family etc...... She left because until you put a ring on her finger, her loyalty isn't to you.... ITS TO HER FAMILY....

You take no responsibility for YOUR choices in bringing that woman into your home without discerning her character... You fail to look at your culpability in making her EXACTLY WHAT YOU DECRY... A SINGLE UNWED BLACK MOTHER.... Fail to honor her, love her, and respect her... You allow your hurt/pain to rule your attitudes toward black women while selfishly and foolishly believe that YOU WEREN'T THE PROBLEM.... so you lash out... 

Over the next few days what we saw was absolutely ridiculous... A man posting the name of the woman, her mother, her sister... Continuing to insult her, putting her family business out on social networking... AND STILL YOU TAKE NO OWNERSHIP IN YOUR PART IN THIS.... Its absolutely disgusting to watch a SELF PROCLAIMED "good black man" demonstrate to the world THAT HE'S NOT.... This is why I'm consistently telling men not to parrot that "i'm a good dude" bullissht..... Let your actions speak louder than your words....

When the woman that you've insulted and patronized for 90days leaves, you lash out... You demonstrate no maturity, no self control, no love for a person who you claimed to have loved. You compound your own HURT by creating a page called "the beauty of interracial relationships...... What???????

You sir will not be missed.... Good Riddens!!!!!

Gentlemen, Lets be very clear about this.... No matter how many ill, negative, angry, contemptuous, false bravado clad black women I meet or interact with... I CAN NEVER ASSIGN THE ACTIONS OF A FEW TO THE WHOLE.... Second, Men do not go in (attack) women on a public forum.... If she chose to leave without any closure, phone call, text..etc.... Let her leave... It must always be her choice whether to stay or go..... IT IS UP TO YOU TO GIVE HER A REASON TO STAY.... because she will damn sure find a reason to leave if you give her one.... 

DNYC - Moderator/Editor "Year of the Gentlemen/Return of the Gentleman"

The Woman Of My Dreams

Good Day Gentlemen… Its been some time since I’ve contributed to this blog… However as the cooler fall weather is now upon us …. It is officially now “boo” season…. No!!! I’m not talking about Halloween!!!

This is usually the time of the year where bloggers, magazines, and other online outlets begin to discuss the “ideal” woman… or “how to keep a man”…. Or “how to get a man”…. The articles have already begun to appear… These articles are great entertainment. However, they offer somewhat of a Pollyanna view of love and relationships.

My ideal woman is never listed in any of those articles. Even as I’ve matured in age, wants, needs, and desires… The woman of my dreams never seems to be encapsulated in any of those articles.

A lot of men will say regular sex, a cooked meal & STFU is the ideal woman. So I will concede at the outset that the ideal woman is going to be different for every man

My frame of reference for the woman of my dreams goes back to the women in my family… My Grandmother and Mom were  the epitome of silent strength.. Neither were obnoxious, loud, or prideful… Neither of them screamed to the world “I’m a strong bla bla bla bla”… they just did it..  Both of them offered unconditional love and never expected anything of me… Then, my sisters… They challenged me and screened out the women who may not have been best for me.  My sisters gave me an insight to women that I’d otherwise not have. They both love their children and would sacrifice anything for their families..  Last are my daughters… The epitome of beauty, youth, and vitality. My daughters keep me young but they also bring out in me a strong desire to protect. I’ve been blessed to not have any teen pregnancies or substance abuse.

As I reflect on the woman of my dreams It becomes natural to default to my foundation… or my frame of reference.  As a man I can already do all of the “domestic” things that are traditionally considered the female gender role in the home… Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry etc… is something every man should be competent at….. As an adult I’m already taking care of my “financial house”… the Fiduciary role and stewardship that I have over my home is essential to me being here.. Spiritually, I’ve been walking with God for 15yrs now and I’ve been blessed beyond measure.

On the surface  it would appear as though the traditional things men look for in an “ideal” mate are already addressed in my life … so how does a woman fit into that…

I’ve never pursued the loud or obnoxious…. I was never too keen on people who desired to be in the spotlight.. In the age of “swagger” it becomes difficult to find a woman who’s confident and comfortable in her own skin… without being obtuse about it..  So, without any further delay lets get into it..

The woman of my dreams would be conservative in her dress, demeanor, and appearance.  I don’t need a woman who’s selling it, or trying to sell it to every man walking by… Those that desire that type of attention need don’t get my time.  Faux Fashionista’s need not apply

The woman of my dreams would need to love her father….  Simply because that is the man who has protected, prayed and covered her…. He’s eventually the man that I will ask for her hand… before I ask for her hand

The woman of my dreams should smile.... laugh... be able to have fun.... Life is serious enough, having that inner joy and catering to your inner child is vital.....

The woman of my dreams must be cultured, have class,  and be refined….  Please understand that there is a difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork… KNOW how to carry yourself in a variety of situations … above all, be a lady

The woman of my dreams must have manners and is polite…. Not just to me… but to everyone… I’m a firm believer in how you treat other people… you’ll eventually treat me

The woman of my dreams should be a person is selfless NOT selfish…. Christ said the GREATEST among you will be your servant….. My nature is to serve and be that Christ like servant… so I desire the same…

The woman of my dreams should be a woman of integrity… a woman of loyalty…. The truth is, there will be good times… there will be bad…. If the way you deal with adversity is to bail out… I don’t need you in my life…. Pray and Persevere is how adversity is handled…

The woman of my dreams should be passionate…. About life… about love… about service to the community….

The woman of my dreams should be well read, and aware of the world around her…. Yeah, knowing the latest lil wayne song may be important…. But knowing the current news of the day is also important…

The woman of my Dreams should love God and put him before everything else in her life….  We may be at different stages of our walks with God… but she must have a walk with God that she can feel and is tangible in her life daily

The woman of my dreams must have a pure heart… is ready to love…. She cannot be so jaded by the world.. past hurts… past relationships that the bricks of hurt, pain, and past relationships are the wall that starts being built between us from day one

The woman of my dreams must see the home as a sanctuary….  We fight the world outside the door… The home should be a sanctuary of peace and love.. …

Finally, The woman of my dreams should be a dreamer… and a supporter of dreams… From the moment I meet her, I will lay out the vision for my life.. my financial vision,  and my spiritual vision..  Understanding her role as a help meet is important… HOWEVER, her being a dreamer and a visionary allows me to support her vision, dreams, and goals…..

PS: Last – The woman of my dreams should see herself as a queen…. No one or nothing will ever come between us

Gentlemen, understand that while this is not a complete list… this pretty much summarizes what my desire is. I didn’t come to this overnight and I’ve made my share of mistakes… Please understand, that the woman of your dreams can be a reality if you discern rightly…. Remove the concubines… side chicks… chicks with no money looking for a free meal .. or free movie….  Remove the women from your life who don’t seek your best interest…..

What you will find… You already know the woman of your dreams… its just that your view is clouded by all the nonsense in your life. ….. Just think about it

Namaste…

One, DNYC

5 Assets Women Need To Become 'Ms. Right'

It is true that the perfect man or woman doesn't exist. However, this rarely keep us from seeking the best when pursuing a relationship partner. Many men go into relationships just hoping their personalities and idiosyncrasies are accepted by women. But rest assured -- guys have compiled a lengthy requirements list of their own when it comes to choosing "Ms. Right". Let's take a moment to focus on the needs and desires of those respectable, upstanding Black men who often find it difficult to connect with a good woman.

Obviously, the lack of good women isn't the issue. There are plenty to go around. But the challenge is finding a good one who possesses the qualities most men wish for.

Mybrotha.COM has compiled a list of the five most desired assets Black men seek in their 'Ms. Right'. Also included, is a brief description of how these assets influence the hearts and minds of men, and what women can do to make sure they're keeping up.

1) Support System

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Most successful men have come to realize that a woman who has no goals or interests of her own, will have no interest in his goals and interests. A supportive spouse is essential for long-term relationship stability and will ultimately determine whether or not he succeeds or fails. The old adage "Behind every great man, is a great woman." -- holds an enormous amount of merit.

The saying is born out of observing the histories of the world's most successful men, how they persevered, and the support system in which they thrived. It's not a coincidence that even stronger, respectable women stood by their sides a majority of the time.

Whether your mate is a multi-million dollar marketing executive, a gym owner, or a goat-herder -- supporting his dreams and endeavors speaks volumes and is representative of your true love.

2) Being Sexy

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There is nothing more tantalizing or satisfying, than having a beautiful woman to love and who loves you. Women naturally keep up their appearances whether they're in a relationship or not, but men hold an enormous amount of respect for those sistas who take the time to shine.

If you're a frumpy dresser who walks around with a permanent frown, be prepared for some extremely lonely nights during the dating years.

You don't have to wear the most expensive clothes, or pile on layers of makeup. But most men are visual creatures and our hearts are easily influenced by beauty and style. Once you capture us with your sexy image -- our minds take over and begin to concentrate on more important things.

3) Suzy-Homemaker

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This may seem "1950-ish", but men do still love women who are great around the house. Good food, a clean environment, washed clothes, and well-kept children are important characteristics in determining whether or not a woman is wife material, or just someone to hang out with.

Husbands around the world will tell you that most men do not fully appreciate those women who are great homemakers. It's an unforgiving job and not all women are good at it. For those who excel in this arena, there is undoubtedly a glorious future with a good man waiting for you.

Now before you ladies get too steamed over the idea of being a homemaker, the desire is no different than a woman wanting some old-fashioned basics from a man (i.e. someone who is courageous; able to provide some sense of physical security; someone to lift those heavy boxes; and someone to mow the grass, etc.)

4) A Spiritual Mind

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If you have no belief in a higher power, don't come crying to us on Judgement Day! Men who hold a strong spiritual connection with God, need women who are equally in tune with their own spirituality. Even if you can't tithe as much as you would like, or attend services every week -- a strong moral fiber rooted in your religious beliefs is important.

Any disconnect on a spiritual level will surely cause an imbalance in your relationship. A man who believes in a divine power and who worships regularly, will retain a moral and ethical system of beliefs -- and most good Black men seek a woman of great character who also follows the same, or complementary system.

You won't agree on every aspect of faith and religion, but a common ground is necessary for sustained growth.

5) Smarty Pants

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Most guys won't admit it, but we really do look for women who are as smart, or smarter than we are. Men don't know everything... (though some of us think we do!), and usually find comfort in knowing we have an intelligent partner we can lean on.

We're not talking about a box full of college degrees here. But some level of academic success is a desire of many Black men. Guys believe that women who possess a sharp wit, are irreplaceable and command the utmost respect.

For men -- women with a high intelligence level are good for the duration of the relationship. This isn't necessarily true when those heated debates occur...(this is when guys wish women didn't know what they were talking about), but a woman with a strong mind is ultimately a blessing.

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A worthwhile note here: All of these special assets work best when they are given with feeling and heartfelt desire. You have to want to support your spouse in his endeavors, and you have to want to be sexy, spiritual, and passionate about being his partner.

Simply going through the motions because you think it's how you should behave, will soon become a tedious task you no longer want to participate in.

"OMG! Your Baggage is CROWDING my space!"

Why Mistresses Have Everything to do with Marriage

I grew up hearing about mistresses from my mother. She would tell us about the "fancy women" her grandfather, Stephen Adelbert Griggs, an affluent Detroit brewer and municipal politician, maintained in what she disdainfully referred to as a "love nest." Why did Great-grandmother Minnie tolerate this? Because in her comfortable 19th century world, the alternative -- divorce -- was unthinkable. But Minnie put a price on her husband's philandering.

For every diamond Stephen bought his latest mistress, he had to buy one for her. So his love nest hatched a glittering nest egg of rings, earrings, brooches and uncut gems, which Minnie bequeathed to her female descendants.

My great-grandfather walked a well-trodden path, and that's why I wrote Mistresses: A History of the Other Woman as the central book in my historical relationship trilogy that includes A History of Celibacy and A History of Marriage. Mistressdom, in fact, has everything to do with marriage. It's an institution parallel and complementary to marriage, and it evolved to accommodate the sexual double standard that tolerates adultery in husbands but condemns it in wives. Like celibacy, mistressdom offers a fascinating perspective into how women relate to men other than in marriage.

Mistresses, it seems, are everywhere. One U.K. reviewer was startled to find the painful story of the end of her own first marriage on page four of my book. Bel Mooney's husband, British radio present Jonathan Dimbleby, suddenly plunged into a dramatic and obsessive affair with the magnificent soprano, Susan Chilcott, who was terminally ill with cancer. Against her anguished pleas that her very new lover consider his own well-being and not ruin his life for her, Dimbleby vowed to care for her until she died, and moved in with her and her little son. "I still do not adequately understand the intensity of passion and pity that animated my decision," he said later. "It felt like an unstoppable force." Yet he also "felt absolutely torn" about being away from Bel and their decades-long, happy marriage.

Less than three months after her last public performance, playing Desdemona and singing sorrowfully, her voice rising to a crescendo, "Ch'io viva ancor, ch'io viva ancor!" (Let me live longer, let me live longer!) Susan died. But a grieving Jonathan did not return to Bel and their tattered marriage unravelled into divorce.

My retelling of their story, Bel wrote, "was a reminder that there are no easy generalisations about this subject." But she did offer this perspective: "I admit to a suspicion that most men are susceptible to temptation. Show me a loyal husband and I'll show you one who's never had a real opportunity to stray."

Well, not all loyal husbands lack opportunity, but as Bel Mooney's personal experience suggests, opportunity is all too often irresistible. Remember when President Clinton was under attack for his relationship with intern Monica Lewinsky? We discovered later that as Reverend Jesse Jackson piously counseled and prayed for Clinton, he was also cheating on his wife with a mistress who was carrying his child. And Clinton's self-righteous prosecutor, Newt Gingrich, was secretly pursuing a passionate relationship with Callista Bisek, whom he married after divorcing his wife, Marianne.

Both Jackson and Gingrich mistook the waning years of the 20th century for an earlier era, when mistressdom was the familiar handmaiden of marriage. That was clear when Jackson's mistress, lawyer Karin Stanford, successfully sued him for child support. After millennia of protecting marriage by bastardizing the offspring of mistresses, indeed even making it difficult for men to recognize and provide for their "outside" children, our new laws essentially "outlaw" the concept of illegitimacy; they also demand parental accountability. Gingrich made another kind of mistake: he gambled on keeping his affair a secret but six years into it, he got caught. The values of the media world were also changing, and the man who had been angling to run for president on a platform of "family values" had to settle for divorcing his wife so he could marry his mistress.

The values of the media world were also changing, and the man who had been angling to run for president on a platform of "family values" had to settle instead for divorcing his wife so he could become his mistress's new husband.

Mistresses are not always ruinous to their lovers' marriages. Some people believe that love affairs enrich and enliven marriage. Frenchmen, for example, can justify the cinq à sept, the after-office-hours rendezvous a man enjoys with his mistress, by quoting French writer Alexandre Dumas's pithy observation: "The chains of marriage are so heavy that it often takes two people to carry them, and sometimes three."

The British multibillionaire Sir Jimmy Goldsmith, who died surrounded by his wife, ex-wives and mistresses, had another take on marriage and mistressdom: "When a man marries his mistress," Goldsmith opined, "he creates an automatic job vacancy."

In today's North America, when most marriages are rooted in mutual love and compatibility, mistresses pose a different and often greater threat to marriages. This was not always so. In the days of arranged marriages, when parents selected their children's spouses for economic reasons or to cement family, business or political alliances, romantic love was considered an irrelevant, self-indulgent and even treacherous foundation for marriage. Husbands and wives were expected to cohabit and operate as an economic unit, and to produce and raise children. They were not expected to adore one another or to fulfill each other's emotional needs. Though some spouses developed romantic feelings for each other, usually respect and camaraderie were as much as anyone could hope for, and many marriages were desperately unhappy. This was the context that prompted all but the most puritanical societies to tolerate the tradition of mistresses who enabled men to satisfy their romantic and lustful urges.

The times they are a'changing, and so is the nature of marriage and therefore of mistressdom. Laws and institutions are more egalitarian. Birth control is effective and accessible. Modern mistresses are less likely to depend financially on their lovers. Much more often they fall in love, usually with married men unwilling to divorce and regularize the relationship. The alternative to breaking up is the insecurity of the status quo. Many mistresses accept it but hope that somehow, someday, their liaison will be legitimized through marriage. Today as in the past, the two institutions are inextricably linked.

Elizabeth Abbott

Damaged Men – Who’s to Blame

Good Day Gentlemen, I’m writing today having had a Black Angus Steak Burger and some fries…. Best stuff ever!!!

But now, I’d like to broach the issue of Damaged Men…  First, let me define Damaged!!!!... Lets start with Immature, Insecure, Needy, Hurt, and Broken.

The damage I believe really began years ago…  For the last 50 or so years we’ve had single mothers raising men children.. We had a social welfare system that forced men out of the home so that women could collect social services… This created the entire “I don’t need a man” complex in a lot of women…  Today 72% of black children grow up in single parent homes..

This also created an undesirable side affect. That is that because the women have no man in their lives the man-child becomes their de-facto man… How many women do we hear calling their sons Lil-Man… or Man-Man….. Ladies, he’s not a man… He’s not YOUR man…… he’s a child… You trying to create that man-child into the image of what you THINK a man should be is in part responsible for what we see today.

The fact is, for as many purported strong and independent women we hear about, none of them have ever been men. None of them will ever be men, None of them possess the qualities or capabilities to teach a man child how to be a man. These single moms have to discipline their children, and sometimes harshly… Many because of the age that they had the child are not mature enough to deal with the stress of child rearing… they lose control and create an atmosphere of respect through fear… Yes!.. the man-child fears his mother

This doesn’t, by no means, lets the fathers off the hook… The men fathering these children are the dope boys, hustlers or convicts…. Some just abandon the child because they’re incapable of being a man and providing for his seed.

The result is that now for 50 or more years, we’ve had men-children emulating their mothers which probably accounts for the explosion of gay men.. I’m still waiting for a study of how many gay men were raised in single parent households and emulated their mothers. Another path is the streets end up raising these young boys… They find comfort in the criminality and hustle. Gangs become family and a cycle of violence and poverty ensues. The other path is for that man child to become educated, go to college and have a life where he’s a contributor to society

This doesn’t negate the effect of the damage inflicted… Childhood abandonment inflicted by his biologic father  & the resulting “not good enough” pathology…. An overbearing or abusive mother who will raise her hand and brutalize that child… when all that child desires is to be loved and comforted….  However that man child turns out much of the resulting adult man can be laid at the feet of his parents..

So, here’s the issue… These men grow up, and adjust the best way they know how. Get into relationships but never really fix the damage. This hurt is then projected on to their mate, wife, significant other and even their own children.

Hurt people only know how to hurt people..  the mothers of these men-children are hurt, so they hurt the child…. The child is hurt and grows up hurting other people… and never is the finger pointed at the ones who created the hurt… As I stated at the beginning for 50 or more years, single mothers have been raising men-children….

Put simply, the blame must be laid where it belongs. There may be some that don’t want to hear that… there may even be some who reject it… But the facts are undeniable.

Men who have insecurity issues, Trust issues, or Confidence/self esteem issues…. Men who are man whores screwing everything in sight…. Men who are gay because they’ve spent the formative years emulating their mothers dress and make up habits.. men with a misguided view of what a woman should be, because the only woman that they’ve ever know was abusive or brutalized them..

Yes Damaged and hurt men exist… yes those men need to look in the mirror and see who they really are and seek either Spiritual or Secular therapy to grow beyond their issues.  In the end, we must find ways to break the cycle and mitigate the damage…

Gentlemen, if you’re hurting.. find help… Seek the comfort of the woman you’re involved with… talk it out… cry it out…. But please do not take it out on your spouse, date, significant other or children… Bouncing from relationship to relationship… Drowning your hurt in alcohol…. Smoking your hurt away with illegal substances is never going to heal you…

And ladies… if you’re not ready or willing to deal with the hurt/damaged man… be honest with him.. he may be successful… he may be the neighborhood dope boy….. but be honest… You can support him with your friendship and prayers… Being involved with him romantically you need to see it for exactly what it is…

Look inside yourself Gentlemen… you are the only one who knows what you’ve been through. See your hurt and seek some help.. at this point… all you can do is move forward… irrespective of who is to blame

Editor – DNYC

Some Black People Aren't Worthy of the Skin They're In - By Lydia Cotton

While I am all for great entertainment, I can’t help but wonder when will I see a balance demonstrated on reality television in regards to black women? I’m sure I am asking too much when I sit on my couch and watch Basketball Wives considering that these women total claim to fame is spreading their legs until they hit the million dollar jackpot with a ring and baby in tow. My bad for wanting women who look like me to actually behave with a tiny dash of class when cameras are rolling and they are out representing a minority to the country and abroad.

I often question when this need for complete humiliation became imperative to appease the general public. I’m pretty sure that at one point is was completely acceptable and profitable to see black women and their families depicted in the highest regard in media or else Bill Cosby wouldn’t be one of the most successful and respected moguls in Hollywood yet this is what is favored present day. Do we really hate ourselves that much?

Unfortunately for the rest of us there are plenty of willing participants out there to perpetuate each and every last negative stereotype that has ever been joked about where black women are concerned leaving us not only with the reality of having to be ten times better than our non-black peers but fighting to make sure we are the complete opposite of BBW and various others at all times.

On another note, while I am sure individually these ladies are not as bad as they project, I find it irritating that Shaunie makes it a point to sit back and watch the drama that she set up unfold as if she is merely an innocent bystander. Chick please. Note to all of those who are in favor of the ex O’Neal, while her pockets are being stacked by the devil himself, let us all be aware that business savvy or not, success isn’t something that should only be measured by your tax bracket. As a person who has the public’s ear you have a responsibility to your community to be positive and leave a trail of substance where those after you would be proud to pick up and continue but I guess they stopped making those type of black people a couple of generations ago and all we are left with are those who are about their ‘paper’ no matter how many of their ancestors they have to spit on to get it. 

Written by Lydia Cotton (posted courtesy of Lydia Cotton)  

Editorial Note: Black women, YOU are responsible in part for the success of this show and others like it... The only way this changes is if you stop watching it.. The stereotypes being perpetuated on Basketball Wives, Real Housewives...etc only serve to project an image of you that perhaps you don't want or like.... The net result is people on the street, in the mall and the like looking at you the same way... Its guilt by association and that's the real harm Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, Single Ladies... etc pose to you... 

Editor - DNYC

The "B" Side of the Menu

Gentlemen, It’s been a while since I’ve contributed to this blog. Having been on facebook and seeing the thoughts of men and women… One thing becomes abundantly clear….

WOMEN DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT THERE’S A “B” SIDE TO THE MENU

A lot of men operate on a quid-pro-quo type of mentality… Pay to Play!!! It’s not game but no one ever says exactly what it is…

Deny it if you must there is a primal need for all men to compete for the best, healthiest, most fertile women to pro-generate our seed. This has nothing to do with commitment, marriage, monogamy etc…. it has everything to do with survival of the species. Women have a biological clock, which many women don’t understand is their primal instinct to have children and survive one more generation.

Fast forward the evolutionary clock a couple of thousand years, mix in some cultural and societal changes and here we stand in 2011 with the same primal mind..

What is the “B” side of the menu….  In order to attract women, the mating ritual in 2011 is to become as attractive to women as possible… What are women attracted to you might ask yourself… Well the answer is SECURITY….  Physical security for their children (even future children) and themselves, Which is why women desire physically fit strong men … Financial Security, which is why men of financial means have the choice of the BEST women… Emotional security…, which is why a woman needs to feel loved and safe with her man….

In return,  Women have up until the 1960’s had given themselves sexually, most times in marriage,  to men who provide her SECURITY .. After the 1960’s centuries of human interaction changed with the sexual revolution… Women took power of their sexual being with "free love" and men saw free love as an opportunity to have … free love… Love without commitment or responsibility

THUS THE “B” SIDE OF THE MENU WAS BORN…

Whether you know it or not, men always know when you’re selling…. And those with the means to pay for it usually will.  However far too often women expect something in terms of commitment after that “quid-pro-quo” of casual sexual contact when in fact they were selling it all along??  How did sexual penetration turn to the expectation of commitment??

Simply put, a man spends money on meals, movies, concerts, vacations, etc… He’s generally not doing it for grins and giggles.  There is very much an expectation of sex

Many a woman has played cute trying to trap a man by having children thinking he’s going to be around… Many a woman has believed that there was more to the relationship then just a casual sexual thing…

Women look at the menu… order the appetizer, entre, and desert…. Then have a hard time understand that after the meal is over and the check has been paid…. That the “B” side of the menu has a cost to it as well.. For men, money = power… And whether a man spends $100 or $10,000 … the expectation (real or percieved) is that you play

Fact is men can have a physical relationship and it mean absolutely nothing. We are socialized from playboy magazine and other types of porn to have sex with no meaning..  Gentlemen I tell you this is true, there is a 3mo time limit on that type of sexual activity.. She’s going to develop feelings and have expectations for you and it’s best if you’re not serious about her to cut it off before 3mo..

Some men can temper this “B” side instinct, some cannot… some men have matured to the point in their discernment that they’ll only pursue women who are “wife” material.. Others pursue chicken heads, hood rats, etc… just to have sex with

So men, check your motivation… If at the end of the evening you drive home upset that you didn’t get any from the woman that you just spent $100… 200…300 for dinner…. Then your motivation was the “B” side….

Women, do not be offended... Do not say "I'm not a prostitute"... Just because you're not standing on a corner w/ a pimp doesn’t mean you’re NOT selling it…  You are advertising every time you step out the door… rationalize it how you must… but the low rise jeans or the bush high skirt… the breast popping out of your top… the coy flirty demeanor…  maybe you need a utility bill paid… or a car note…. rent.... You’ve simply justified your behavior…

The bottom line is there is always a “B” side…. As a gentlemen, if you’re not considering that woman as wife material…. She’s a “b” side chick…

Editor - DNYC

Party Girls

Gentlemen, today I want to discuss Party Girls… You know the ones, They’re social butterflies… They’re at every party, they’re fun to drink with, fun to party with, fun to take back to the hotel and screw til 6 in the morning!!!!

But no one is marrying or dating seriously the party girl…. At 20 its cute, as an undergrad we all partied.. smoked weed.. and had meaningless sex..……. At 30 its desperate…. And if you’ve ever met the over 30yr old party girl you know she’s exactly the one you would never see building a life with… No man wants to imagine his woman in the club shaking her ass… and no good relationship can be started or sustained in a nightclub….

The problem is, most party girls are really nice people…. The dichotomy is that by the time you’re 25-30 you’ve realized that every night club is the same.. Same lame people trying to drown their problems in alcohol… or trying to represent a lifestyle that’s not sustainable. ($30,000/yr millionaires)

I’ve seen dudes pop bottles in the club only to re-fill those same bottles with water in the mens room… I’ve seen women get drunk mixing alcoholic beverages and ended up in some mans bed that they don’t know..... BALLIN, with no one to wipe the tears

The party girl at some point in her life tries to re-market herself..  Sometimes it’s a transformation that comes with maturity or spiritual calling, Sometimes it’s the realization that she’s not the hottest thing in the club anymore… Whatever the case she has an epiphany that forces a change in her mindset..

The problem:… People remember you as the party girl.. in a city like Atlanta, the party girl reputation precedes most women (because they're invited to every party)… Contrary to what you heard men do talk.. It starts in high school as overzealous bravado… It continues through life as sort of a Internet of information… Men speak about who they smash and who’s been a challenge to smash… party girls come at different elevation levels

Men will often times observe the actions of women and when they’re seen all over the place, at every party, club, etc…. They will either shy away from that woman… or Attempt to smash it … But understand gentlemen… there is a line of men before you and after you waiting for their shot with her…. Party girls most times don’t understand this.. They believe their beauty is what’s drawing the attention… NOPE!!!

What men seek is a woman who hasn’t given her heart to men with ease… One who hasn’t given her body away with ease… One who hasn’t invested time with a slew of men with ease… EVEN IF THAT IS ONLY PERCEPTION AND NOT REALITY

I’ve long counseled people that image is everything, and perception is reality.  Even if you’re the demure conservative chick at heart.. .but your social network page is slathered with party pictures and/or pictures with a variety of men.. This is an instant turn off for most men.

The reality is.. its 2011… Every woman over 30 that you meet will have had one intense romantic relationship… One man who’s made her scream…. One man who’s she devoted everything to…. And one man who’s broken her heart… and if you're really lucky hasn't been left with some mans children to take care of on her own..

Perhaps the party girl is masking her pain… perhaps the party girl is a free spirit who seeks other free spirits… perhaps the party girl is rebelling from strict parents… and perhaps the party girl just hit a new city and wants to experience everything the city has to offer…

Irrespective of the reason… the party girl is being observed from her twitter and facebook account to how she conducts herself publicly…. Perception is still reality!!!!  Most men will not commit their lives to that perception... And if you're the party girl, you cannot nurture that perception!!!

Truth is, there are plenty of “Dimes” out there.. but 10 dimes is only a dollar… Dimes are as common as gravel.. and as easily thrown away..  They say Diamonds are a girls best friend. Really they’re a man’s best friend..  A man of purpose wants something rare, something he has to search to find....not something common… Men of purpose and vision want to see the woman in their life as a compliment to that vision … And when you’re as common as gravel because you’ve fostered a reputation as a party girl, don't expect too many quality men to come your way...

Men may like you even respect you… But marriage??? Naaah son!!!

So, My advice to you gentlemen… If you’re still chasing party girls.. do your thing.. but you know that’s not going to last…. To the party girls,  make yourself a rare commodity and watch how many more quality men you attract…

Remember, Diamonds are rare and you have to go find them… Dimes are everywhere and pretty much worthless... especially given inflation.

Editor: DNYC

Baseball Hats

Good Morning Gentlemen… Its been some time since I’ve posted some food for thought… Today I want to talk about baseball hats… that’s right Baseball hats

I am a huge baseball hat fan.. I’ve collected them since the 1970’s…  I still own the very first fitted Yankee hat that my grandfather bought in 1976… I have college baseball hats from Grambling and LSU…. I own Penn State & PITT (I wanted to go to the Univ of Pittsburgh or Penn State when I was in High School)… I have baseball hats from vacations to Disney, universal studios, sea world…. I have baseball caps from those little boutiques in the airport in Rome, Geneva, London, Singapore..etc… Then there are the racing baseball hats from Formula Drift, Superbike, & F1….. I’ve got so many I’ve had to put them into boxes, vacuum sealed) and up in the attic of my home…

For as big a fan as I am of baseball hats… and all of the ones I’ve worn, sweated out, washed and destroyed… As a Gentleman I understand that there are some etiquette rules and guidelines towards wearing baseball hats and hats in general…

For one, I see way too many men sitting down to have a meal with a hat on… This is just poor upbringing… As as sign of respect its appropriate to remove your hat when you enter a building.. Military protocol is that your cover (hat) be removed when you enter into any hard structure…. Manners / Etiquette say that when you enter a building and especially when you sit down to eat… the hat should be removed….

The historical and even biblical context is that when you pray over your meal your hat or head covering should be removed… It is a sign of humility towards God… Headgear removal isn’t universal in all religions… the jews wear a yarmulke.... During medieval times, the helmet, hat etc.. would be removed when showing respect to the king.. Even today, wearing headgear in a court of law is seen as contempt of court…

Rules of etiquette say its ok/acceptable in a café or lunch counter… It is also proper etiquette to remove headgear when speaking to clergy, an elder woman or man, or when speaking to someone of higher social status, and when speaking of the dead or at a funeral… It’s also acceptable and proper to remove headgear when the national anthem is played or during the pledge of allegiance..

At the end of the day, headgear removal is about showing deference (respect) to the situation or the persons you’re in company with..

When dining with a woman or even mixed company… even when eating at a casual dining spot… remove your hat gentlemen.. it’s a subconscious visible sign that you respect the woman you’re about to dine with.

As I said… I’m a huge fan of baseball hats… and as I begin to lose my hair, I find myself wearing them more…

Editor - DNYC

Editors Note.... 2011 Marks the Centennial Anniversary of my Fraternity - Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc... there will be a number of Centennial hats in commemoration of the Centennial.... Here is one that I like...

Man Up, D-Up: A Woman Speaks

I am a woman and I love sports. Decent seats to see MJ’s return from retirement to play the Knicks, a thousand dollars. The chance to see a last second shot, the clutch play, that “tongue”, priceless. And the off the court activities and subplots make the four quarters more than just a game. It’s not the 4 star restaurant I love, it’s a good game party at home or the local sports bar where not only beer and wings are flowing, but to hear regular everyday men become experts, scholars, scientists of the game is mesmerizing.

Actually, it’s closer to a miracle as I sip a Cosmo listening to my girls complaining about how hard it is to get their SO to talk. Say it ain’t so Joanne, because I just heard him deliver a 10 minute thesis on why Lebron will never be the next Michael Jordan. He had evidence to support his position, stats dating as far back as 1995. Surely, this man can hold his own in a relationship conversation, cant he?

Simple answer: No! In some weird freak of nature, the human male can dissect and analyze any sport and articulate his position to his fellow sport lovers or his apathetic wife who doesn’t get why he spends hours watching grown men run around chasing a ball. To speak fluently like this in two different languages takes a skill, a certain finesse people go to school for years to develop. But that same man hasn’t made the connection between the very sports he loves and the woman who hates his love of said sport.

Offense sells tickets, defense wins games!!! No one will argue this point when it comes to the NBA or NFL but your relationship? Short answer: Indeed.

Gentleman, think back to the first time you saw “her”. You had to have her and nothing in the world was going to stop you. Morning phone calls, random text messages, corny jokes, unmerited compliments; you were going in for the layup and Shaq couldn’t stop you. You were in the zone and if the truth be told, the more difficult she was, the more effort you put in.

Days, weeks, months, for some of you years later you broke her down and she said yes, we can go out on a real date or yes, I want to be with only you, or yes I will marry you. The crowd is on their feet cheering because with seconds left on the clock you made the buzzer beater. Game over!

Not even. What many men do is put all their energy into their offensive game, but not as much as a thought about their defense: In plain English, you got her, now what?

Now is where the work begins. Now is where you spend your time, money, and energy on the plays that will not get you a spot on ESPN’s plays of the game but will win the game for you.

You got the girl, you scored the goal, but don’t forget you have an opponent. For some, you are playing against her career, her independent lifestyle, her 25 years of watching Oprah, and yes for some, another man (women are not as loyal as you want to believe we are. Most divorces are initiated by the woman, think about it)!

So what do you do? Get back on defense! If you don’t want to come second to a career, make being home with YOU more appealing than working overtime or jockeying for a raise. You want her to turn your house into a home, compliment her skills in the kitchen, stock the frig with the ingredients for those chinese ribs that only she and PF Changs can make (yes, women have egos too!) You don’t want her going to happy hour with male “friends” block their shots:  Call her and if she doesn’t answer leave a message, send random text messages, send songs from youtube to her phone that mean something (I must admit, my man started doing this and this cheap move won me over. Homie had me waking up early waiting for a song, he gets cool points for that!) You want her to watch the game, make a bet. If your team loses, she gets a body massage and if your team wins… (okay I set up the alley-oop, throw it down, player)

If I had lead with this, you wouldn’t have heard it but I gotta break it down now. Your woman needs you to be checked in 100% to your relationship.  She wants to be everything you want her to be, but she won’t risk giving everything and getting nothing in return. Daily, she needs to feel that she is on your mind. She needs to have evidence that you have not forgotten her and that you are not taking her presence in your life for granted.  It’s not the big things, it’s the little ones. I watched my mother chew into my father for years accusing him of not caring. She stopped cooking and wearing makeup and jewelry (and only they know what else) He didn’t realize he was a candy bar away from being husband of the year and more importantly, quieting her complaining. Most men are like my dad. You are a candy bar, or a dollar flower (most women like a flower that’s cheaper than roses) an iPod download, a car wash, a dry cleaning pick up away from winning. Time out tip: You can’t play half of a game and expect to win. Be defensive minded.

Unlike the Mavs, you can’t always come from behind and win. (For those who are metaphorically challenged, winning is having a successful and enjoyable relationship that is not laced with arguments and infidelity)

If this seems like work, that’s because it is. If it seems like you have to do something every single day, that’s because you do.

Think of it like this: It’s a lot cheaper than a divorce!

Contributor - Celeste Layton

Where Did Love Go Wrong?

Gentlemen, I’ve just begun reading a book by Eric and Leslie Ludy – When God Writes Your Love Story… The book was highly recommended at Lifeway Christian Book Store for those entering into a relationship or those seeking to find the love of their life.. The book's premise is allowing God take the pen of your life and writing your love story.. He can write a much more beautiful story than I can, so I really have no problem with the concept. Through scripture we can learn how to love and heal ourselves in order that we can be loved..

So, I ask the question where did love go wrong, because there is so much bitterness, anger, resentment, animosity between men and women today that it is almost impossible to love or find love

Many women in metro Atlanta voice concerns about the man possibly being gay, and if he’s not they’re suspicious of any man who smiles at them or approaches with the slightest iota of kindness.. Then the flip side, those same women will and often do jump on facebook or other social media complaining about NOT being able to find a good man..

Many men cite the 500:1 men to women ratio, and generally respond to that abundance of women by acting childish. Those same men don’t trust women or respect themselves enough to understand that it is better to love One woman a million ways, than it is to love one million women one way…

It wasn’t always like that… men carping at women for the trife women they’ve encountered… women complaining about men that they’ve allowed into their lives only to make a mess of their lives..

Yet, while our ideas of love and relationship are often romanticized. We don’t believe that agape love can exist or will for us… so we walk around with a chip on our shoulders, unwilling or unable to trust anyone… and love escapes us all

Our image of love needs to at some point jive with our mental perception of what it should be. In a healthy whole relationship love should be pure. The expression and action of love should have a child like innocence. The hurt and pain of your past should disappear, and you should be as happy as Thumper and Bixby….

In the end Gentlemen… The arguing, discontent, mistrust and hurt that you may feel is your hurt. You should never project that on to the next person or take baggage from the last relationship into the next one…

Gentlemen, take some time in between relationships to figure out where the last one went wrong, and what your culpability is in that failure… It took two people to enter into the relationship. It took two people to make that relationship fail… Understanding that is the first step towards you having a healthy future relationship

When you find love, cherish it.. Protect it.. And provide for its health… Its up to you Gentlemen.. Now go and love somebody

Editor - DNYC

Passports & Credit Cards - Travel Edition

Gentlemen… It is officially vacation and travel season.. Whether you’re going to Lisbon or Montreal… to Bahrain or Singapore there are going to be a few things you’re going to need..

First Pack and check in your bag for your entire trip, plus two days in case you get stuck in a foreign airport. Then Pack a carry on bag so that if your baggage gets lost you have a change of clothes.. Most hotels, even international hotels have laundry service (ask the concierge when you check in)… Dress appropriate for the weather…

Before you travel internationally, you will need a passport. There is really no reason a grown man over 20 shouldn’t have a passport. The process is very simple and homeland security department can usually turn it around in four to six weeks. All of the forms you need are available via The Postal Service

Once you’ve completed the forms bring all pertinent documents, proof of ID, proof of citizenship to your local post office… They will complete the process and submit it to the homeland security department… When you’ve received your passport you’re ready to go..  Ensure you KNOW where the state department is and take multiple forms of ID… If you lose your passport, the only way you’re getting home is through the State Dept.

Second, Given that you’ve paid for your hotel and flight before hand.. ensure you have enough available credit on your credit card… Not only for hotel incidentals but for dining out… Credit cards are the best way not to have to carry cash, and to control your spending.

Make a stop at the currency exchange..  and carry small amounts of cash with you. Large amounts of cash have a tendency to disappear. Being stuck in a foreign country with no cash is not good.

Last… Stay away from areas of town that are not tourist areas.  Everyplace is NOT safe for Americans to travel.. Know where you are, Identify landmarks, and don’t let taxi drivers drive you to places unfamiliar to you.. Especially in South America!!!!... Take time to walk around and discover.

I personally love the fact that Europe is mostly a backpacking continent. Walking and discovering is great..

In the end, have fun… Leaving the USA will open up horizons for you that traveling inside the USA can never give you..  Toronto is a beautiful city, as is Geneva, London, Paris, Rome… the list goes on…

I hope to go to Monte Carlo, Bahrain, Egypt and Singapore now that my kids are all out of high school and will be starting their lives as adults…   Thankfully I’m young enough to do so.. and still enjoy it…

Enjoy the summer… Travel… Chao…

Editor - DNYC

Passports & Credit Cards - Travel Edition

Gentlemen… It is officially vacation and travel season.. Whether you’re going to Lisbon or Montreal… to Bahrain or Singapore there are going to be a few things you’re going to need..

First Pack and check in your bag for your entire trip, plus two days in case you get stuck in a foreign airport. Then Pack a carry on bag so that if your baggage gets lost you have a change of clothes.. Most hotels, even international hotels have laundry service (ask the concierge when you check in)… Dress appropriate for the weather…

Before you travel internationally, you will need a passport. There is really no reason a grown man over 20 shouldn’t have a passport. The process is very simple and homeland security department can usually turn it around in four to six weeks. All of the forms you need are available via http://www.usps.com/passport/welcome.htm

Once you’ve completed the forms bring all pertinent documents, proof of ID, proof of citizenship to your local post office… They will complete the process and submit it to the homeland security department… When you’ve received your passport you’re ready to go..  Ensure you KNOW where the state department is and take multiple forms of ID… If you lose your passport, the only way you’re getting home is through the State Dept.

Second, Given that you’ve paid for your hotel and flight before hand.. ensure you have enough available credit on your credit card… Not only for hotel incidentals but for dining out… Credit cards are the best way not to have to carry cash, and to control your spending.

Make a stop at the currency exchange..  and carry small amounts of cash with you. Large amounts of cash have a tendency to disappear. Being stuck in a foreign country with no cash is not good.

Last… Stay away from areas of town that are not tourist areas.  Everyplace is NOT safe for Americans to travel.. Know where you are, Identify landmarks, and don’t let taxi drivers drive you to places unfamiliar to you.. Especially in South America!!!!... Take time to walk around and discover.

I personally love the fact that Europe is mostly a backpacking continent. Walking and discovering is great..

In the end, have fun… Leaving the USA will open up horizons for you that traveling inside the USA can never give you..  Toronto is a beautiful city, as is Geneva, London, Paris, Rome… the list goes on…

I hope to go to Monte Carlo, Bahrain, Egypt and Singapore now that my kids are all out of high school and will be starting their lives as adults…   Thankfully I’m young enough to do so.. and still enjoy it…

Enjoy the summer… Travel… Chao…

Editor - DNYC

The Damaged Man

Gentlemen, its been some time since I’ve contributed to this blog. I want to speak to you specifically and perhaps women generally..

Today’s topic… The damaged man.. Many women assume that a bruised, hurt, or damaged man is due to some woman in his past who hurt him so deeply that he’s unable to recover.. This is simultaneously true and patently false

The fallacy is that women like to believe that they’ve got that much power or control over a man to “break him” or damage him for all other future women.. In reality, women do have much power over men..  but not that much!!!

Almost everything that a man is and everything he does is to attract and keep a woman.. Men are in a primal tug of war for the best women to progenerate their name and likeness to another generation… Men cut their hair, exercise, purchase nice cars and homes… men buy cologne for among many reasons to attract women…. Men love and protect their daughters, but are extremely happy and proud of their sons.. Most sons end up pursuing careers very similar to their dads… (not sperm donors)… DADS….

The bruised man is more times than not incapable of having a mature secure relationship. Something happened in his childhood or adolescence that has him hurt… Perhaps it was not being physically strong, perhaps it was the lack of love or support from his parents… or… perhaps it was a woman who bruised him deeply with rejection. Whatever the reason, that man needs to spend time fixing himself. Be it therapy, spiritual/religious counseling or just self reflection... He needs to fix himself..

We see the angry, bitter, and damaged woman all the time.. why because women are expressive of their emotions… Men seem to seethe or marinate in their emotions and the damage isn’t usually revealed to women until that woman is in a relationship with that man… or considering a relationship with him… The biggest issue with men is that we’re socialized to not show emotion…. Emotion = soft… and no man wants to be seen by women as soft…

The dichotomy, when a man opens himself up and reveals his true self to his woman, there’s nothing she cannot help him heal from. Women by their very nature are nurturers. Scripturally they are help-mates…  So who’s the best candidate to open up and reveal all..

I’m not intimating that men turn into a puddle of goo for every woman… clearly some women will use and manipulate the information or emotion to control that mans every move and thought…Gentlemen, discern wisely who you will reveal what information to…. And when you’ve found that woman who can hold your heart in her hand and take care of it as if it were her own…. Then you’ve found the woman that you’re ready to spend your life with… reveal your heart and watch how she responds…

The damaged man does exist… Gentlemen, look in the mirror… and determine if it is you!!!

Namaste!
Editor - DNYC

Dear Facebook Users

Good day Gentlemen, I have a bone to pick with many of the users on FB..  First let me say that social media is more about being social.. However many facebook users it seems wish to live their entire lives in social media forums

I cannot tell you how many birth-to-abortion relationship status’ I’ve seen on Facebook. One minute he or she is gushing all over their new boo… a few weeks later videos about hurt, pain, cheating, etc. show up…  One minute your friends are congratulating you... the next minute.. dead silence..... My personal feeling is that if a relationship is important and if you view love as sacred. Your responsibility to that relationship must be to protect… honor… and viewed as sacred… there is no need to be on front street w/ your relationship.. For one, if you have a good man/woman and you put on blast EVERYTHING… what will eventually happen after the break up, one of your “friends” will go after him/her…There are even people who deem it a requirement that you link your facebook page when you start dating them... huh???? if you know where you live in someones heart... there's no need to link facebook pages!!!!

Second, Facebook Celebrities.. I’ve seen people who deem themselves internet celebrities… meaning, they’re constantly screaming about their haters, how much money they get, etc…. The real truth is, most are nobody’s … most will never do or be anything significant… and to be quite honest, if most didn’t say a word on facebook they’d be deemed reasonably intelligent. Instead they say things that make you shake your head in disgust and you hide their status updates..... How is it possible to have haters when you’re a nobody??? And you’ll go to the grave mired in your own self aggrandizement…. Truth is people who have money, wealth, or status never speak on it….

Third, Lack of judgment, discernment… ever have your friends list poached… you friend someone and they friend everyone you’re friends with… you ever make a comment on a celebrity site and all of a sudden you have 50 friend request… You ever have people that are not of your caliber, education, or character friend you  then you read what they say and it’s pure ignorance, unreadable, poor grammar…  Ever have people comment on something that has nothing to do with them, but they’ve always got something to say..  I’m sorry that I touched a nerve, but a hit dog is always going to holler…  and when you take things personal on facebook, you are that hit dog… Just sit down and shut up... if it doesn't have anything to do with you, and your name wasn't mentioned... there's no need for you to comment...

Fourth, Angry people… I’m convinced that there are far too many angry people who spend their day on facebook venting their frustration to everyone…. They seek those to console them or affirm their feeling… THOSE PEOPLE ARE ENABLERS!!!!!!  I’ve said for some time that “its called self esteem for a reason….. and it begins with self… and your esteem has NOTHING to do with me”… I’m willing and open to dialogue with anyone about any range of issues from music, to politics, to religion and social issues.. I never take it personal… and I never de-friend someone who might say something offensive… NOW, I have had people de-friend me… But, is that my problem or their??? most times I don’t even notice, which means they were insignificant in the big picture… I cannot allow other people to have power over me, but it seems I have a way of taking power from others…. Why else would

Fifth, eHarmony…… My god would people stop using facebook as their dating portal… you’re really screwing it up for everyone else…  If you don’t have the social grace to meet people in real life, don’t hide behind a keyboard. There are too many people fronting who they really are…. Internet diva/faux fashionista…. Your azz is broke as hell…. Internet thug, pimp, playa…. Only thing you playing with is yourself…  the newly engaged, betrothed or planning wedding… ummmm clearly you’re more concerned about the wedding day… and not the day after… or the one after that…

The fact of the matter is Gentlemen, use social media how you best see fit for your life. Understand however, you may not wish to let everyone into your world. You may not want to front your whole life on the internet or pretend to be something you’re not… Facebook is social media… have fun with it… there’s no need to go in on people or get offended by what’s said…  and most of all… Have fun…

Editor - DNYC

Editorial - The Day HOPE died..

Rewind, 2008 inauguration.. A nation proud of a historic event. A people often oppressed encouraged by hope… The first Black President…

Dear Presiden Barak Obama… This is my open letter to you, and to all who might support you in 2012. We all understand that you ascended to power in the midst of a deep recession. We thank God that you were the person who’s hand was at the wheel so that the recession didn’t turn into depression.

HOWEVER, while bailing out Wall St was critical to America’s financial health. Some of those companies needed to fail. In a capitalist society no organization, no company is too large to fail. Analogous to if 200 hostages are on a plane and 3000 are in a building … you shoot down the plane. Sacrificing 200 vs allowing those 200 plus an additional 3000 to die. The goal is to not make is worse than it could have been.

Mr President, you bailed out the few, and sacrificed the many. The economy has been stagnant. Unemployment rose to 10.1% in GA, 18% among African Americans, Fuel prices continue to rise as we head into summer of 2011, and as of 05.01.2011 Five Million Homes are still under foreclosure according to banking analysts.

You campaigned on ending both wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, yet 3yrs into your presidency you’ve not ended those wars and brought troops home. NOR have you or your Justice Dept. under Eric Holder prosecuted ONE person from the previous administration for the torture and loss of America’s moral authority in the world. The young men and women of our military and their families have been stressed for 10yrs, thousands have died, and thousands more maimed... When the only death that should have happened in the last 10yrs was the one of Osama Bin Laden... Personally I would have rather him be brought to justice... that's a mute point now

While healthcare was passed, you made it mandatory for people to purchase health insurance. On the surface this is fine… However it is unconstitutional.. The federal Gov’t cannot force us to buy insurance from US healthcare or BCBS….. The policy imposed no price reduction or controls over premiums, thus allowing health insurance providers to run amuk on middle and low income families

While many of us loathed former president George W. Bush, he gave the average person two stimulus checks in 8yrs….. While your stimulus packages have gone directly to Wall St.. Our economic growth is anemic at best and yes while we are out of technical recession the pain of average people increases daily

Fuel prices increase almost daily and the middle and poor people of this nation are in pain, the domestic and international policy that bush had in place has been continued through your first term, meaning you’ve not separated yourself from the last administration. Where is the HOPE.... What happened to CHANGE???

Perhaps inauguration day 2008 was the day that hope died.  While I would love to give you the opportunity to have a second term…. It seems “we the people” are on the titanic and the only “change” we’ve seen is who’s steering us into the ice berg.

2008 there was so much hope… so much anticipation… so much joy…. It seems now the robber barons on wall street, and those in the military industrial complex have stolen that from us, and while you sit at the seat of power, You seem powerless to do anything for anyone who doesn’t have a Wall Street Address….

Editor - DNYC