Some Black People Aren't Worthy of the Skin They're In - By Lydia Cotton

While I am all for great entertainment, I can’t help but wonder when will I see a balance demonstrated on reality television in regards to black women? I’m sure I am asking too much when I sit on my couch and watch Basketball Wives considering that these women total claim to fame is spreading their legs until they hit the million dollar jackpot with a ring and baby in tow. My bad for wanting women who look like me to actually behave with a tiny dash of class when cameras are rolling and they are out representing a minority to the country and abroad.

I often question when this need for complete humiliation became imperative to appease the general public. I’m pretty sure that at one point is was completely acceptable and profitable to see black women and their families depicted in the highest regard in media or else Bill Cosby wouldn’t be one of the most successful and respected moguls in Hollywood yet this is what is favored present day. Do we really hate ourselves that much?

Unfortunately for the rest of us there are plenty of willing participants out there to perpetuate each and every last negative stereotype that has ever been joked about where black women are concerned leaving us not only with the reality of having to be ten times better than our non-black peers but fighting to make sure we are the complete opposite of BBW and various others at all times.

On another note, while I am sure individually these ladies are not as bad as they project, I find it irritating that Shaunie makes it a point to sit back and watch the drama that she set up unfold as if she is merely an innocent bystander. Chick please. Note to all of those who are in favor of the ex O’Neal, while her pockets are being stacked by the devil himself, let us all be aware that business savvy or not, success isn’t something that should only be measured by your tax bracket. As a person who has the public’s ear you have a responsibility to your community to be positive and leave a trail of substance where those after you would be proud to pick up and continue but I guess they stopped making those type of black people a couple of generations ago and all we are left with are those who are about their ‘paper’ no matter how many of their ancestors they have to spit on to get it. 

Written by Lydia Cotton (posted courtesy of Lydia Cotton)  

Editorial Note: Black women, YOU are responsible in part for the success of this show and others like it... The only way this changes is if you stop watching it.. The stereotypes being perpetuated on Basketball Wives, Real Housewives...etc only serve to project an image of you that perhaps you don't want or like.... The net result is people on the street, in the mall and the like looking at you the same way... Its guilt by association and that's the real harm Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, Single Ladies... etc pose to you... 

Editor - DNYC

The "B" Side of the Menu

Gentlemen, It’s been a while since I’ve contributed to this blog. Having been on facebook and seeing the thoughts of men and women… One thing becomes abundantly clear….

WOMEN DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT THERE’S A “B” SIDE TO THE MENU

A lot of men operate on a quid-pro-quo type of mentality… Pay to Play!!! It’s not game but no one ever says exactly what it is…

Deny it if you must there is a primal need for all men to compete for the best, healthiest, most fertile women to pro-generate our seed. This has nothing to do with commitment, marriage, monogamy etc…. it has everything to do with survival of the species. Women have a biological clock, which many women don’t understand is their primal instinct to have children and survive one more generation.

Fast forward the evolutionary clock a couple of thousand years, mix in some cultural and societal changes and here we stand in 2011 with the same primal mind..

What is the “B” side of the menu….  In order to attract women, the mating ritual in 2011 is to become as attractive to women as possible… What are women attracted to you might ask yourself… Well the answer is SECURITY….  Physical security for their children (even future children) and themselves, Which is why women desire physically fit strong men … Financial Security, which is why men of financial means have the choice of the BEST women… Emotional security…, which is why a woman needs to feel loved and safe with her man….

In return,  Women have up until the 1960’s had given themselves sexually, most times in marriage,  to men who provide her SECURITY .. After the 1960’s centuries of human interaction changed with the sexual revolution… Women took power of their sexual being with "free love" and men saw free love as an opportunity to have … free love… Love without commitment or responsibility

THUS THE “B” SIDE OF THE MENU WAS BORN…

Whether you know it or not, men always know when you’re selling…. And those with the means to pay for it usually will.  However far too often women expect something in terms of commitment after that “quid-pro-quo” of casual sexual contact when in fact they were selling it all along??  How did sexual penetration turn to the expectation of commitment??

Simply put, a man spends money on meals, movies, concerts, vacations, etc… He’s generally not doing it for grins and giggles.  There is very much an expectation of sex

Many a woman has played cute trying to trap a man by having children thinking he’s going to be around… Many a woman has believed that there was more to the relationship then just a casual sexual thing…

Women look at the menu… order the appetizer, entre, and desert…. Then have a hard time understand that after the meal is over and the check has been paid…. That the “B” side of the menu has a cost to it as well.. For men, money = power… And whether a man spends $100 or $10,000 … the expectation (real or percieved) is that you play

Fact is men can have a physical relationship and it mean absolutely nothing. We are socialized from playboy magazine and other types of porn to have sex with no meaning..  Gentlemen I tell you this is true, there is a 3mo time limit on that type of sexual activity.. She’s going to develop feelings and have expectations for you and it’s best if you’re not serious about her to cut it off before 3mo..

Some men can temper this “B” side instinct, some cannot… some men have matured to the point in their discernment that they’ll only pursue women who are “wife” material.. Others pursue chicken heads, hood rats, etc… just to have sex with

So men, check your motivation… If at the end of the evening you drive home upset that you didn’t get any from the woman that you just spent $100… 200…300 for dinner…. Then your motivation was the “B” side….

Women, do not be offended... Do not say "I'm not a prostitute"... Just because you're not standing on a corner w/ a pimp doesn’t mean you’re NOT selling it…  You are advertising every time you step out the door… rationalize it how you must… but the low rise jeans or the bush high skirt… the breast popping out of your top… the coy flirty demeanor…  maybe you need a utility bill paid… or a car note…. rent.... You’ve simply justified your behavior…

The bottom line is there is always a “B” side…. As a gentlemen, if you’re not considering that woman as wife material…. She’s a “b” side chick…

Editor - DNYC