Parable of the Sower

Gentlemen, Today I want to discuss Jesus’ parable of the sower as it relates to what you sow and the harvest you will take in.

It is clear, we are known by the fruit that we bare. If we sow bad seed we will reap a bad harvest.  In the Parable of the sower Christ spells this out in very clear terms

Matthew 13:3-8 (NIV) “Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. “

As you walk through life you will sow your seed in one of the four places that Christ lays out. So lets discuss the four places you’ll sow your seed..

• Scattered on the path for the birds to consume: In verse 4, Christ said “As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up” …. Using the vernacular and culture of today, let me break this down… When you spend your time, energy, and resources on a female who isn’t worthy “a chicken head” …. That bird will do what birds do, use them up and leave you with nothing. Her only goal in life is to consume… Thus, because she’s a consumer she’s easy to spot. The faux fashionista, the “diva”, the gold digger…. You know them by many of these pejorative names… In the end… IT IS YOU who decide that you’re going to sow your seed (waste your time) on this type of person. She is that path that nothing grows on and no one can grow with because she consumes all you have 

• Scattered on Rocky places: in verse five and six Christ says “Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root”… Gentlemen, you know this type of person as well.. Shallow, superficial, dumb as a box of rocks.. Concerned with looking good but not with being good. People who are superficial you don’t AND CAN’T see your future with. You may sow your seed by spending time with her, but that relationship will never last. You know it from the moment you meet her. She’s vapid and cannot hold a conversation. Knows nothing of current events but knows every brand name. She’s a slave to vanity… She’s the rocky place that has no depth and when your harvest comes in it will wither and die because this woman is shallow.

• Planted in Thorns: in verse Seven, Christ says “. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants”…. Gentlemen, you know this woman as well.. She’s the drama queen.. A problem around every corner. She invites drama and has a way of never letting it grow. She may be attractive to start the relationship, but her drama, issues, or baggage will not allow that relationship to grow. She chokes the relationship with her issues.. Stay away from her.. The seed you sow in her through spending time and trying to make it work will be fruitless.. you will be frustrated and at the lack of growth.. She lacks the clarity of spirit to allow anything to grow in or around her.. She will choke you out and the relationship will die.

• The good soil: Christ says in verse eight “. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”…. Gentlemen, you know this woman as well. She has a heart of gold. She checks in on you when you’re not feeling well, she is concerned about your career growth, personal development, spiritual growth and your health.. She’s not trying to burn a hole through your credit card, or date everyone of your friends, frat, or family. She may be a home body.. she may be committed to community service… she may be the woman that’s in church 3 days a week… She’s constantly enriching herself to be a compliment to your life. This is the woman you see yourself with through eternity.. She’s not perfect, she has her share of flaws, but she’s working affirmatively to correct those flaws and they don’t distract you from your walk. The fruit that you bare by sowing seed (spending time and giving your life) to this woman is a more whole existence. You may be good by yourself… but she definitely makes you better. 

Gentlemen, you have an opportunity to discern where you are going to spend your time and with whom you’ll spend it with.. This metaphoric sowing of seed will bare you fruit that is either good… or bad… Some women will deny they’re the bad seed but give it time… you’ll see exactly who they are and what they are over time.. Don’t be distracted by the bug light of her beauty, her booty or anything else that may look attractive…

Remember this… What’s good to you isn’t always good for you… Discern properly who you are going to pursue so that you’re not sowing your seed on bad soil

While I always assert that men are the pursuers and women are the pursued… Women get to choose who they want in their lives.. There’s no way around this reality… some women will deny it.. but find me any woman anywhere who doesn’t have at least one man chasing her.. whether she want’s him or not… he’s still chasing her… We as men can only discern if a woman, or any woman is worth pursuing…

Why… Because the seed you sow will eventually produce a harvest… and you must ask yourself what type of seed you’re going to sow…

Editor - DNYC

A long time ago in 1980

Gentlemen,  A long time ago in 1980 I was 15yrs old… While for me it seems like just yesterday… Reagan was in office, Anwar Sadat was the major figure in the middle east, there were only 15 Superbowls,  High School Graduation was still 2yrs away and John Lennon was dead

A long time ago in 1980 I had so many dreams… The NFL dream, the Track Star dream, the College Dream and the Computer Science Dream…. Never once did I have the Entrepreneur Dream, the Father dream, the fraternity dream etc….. I digress

A long time ago in 1980 I had a crush on the prettiest girl in my High School, yet, I thought she didn’t even know I was alive. Oddly, I had the same style of dress and swagger that I have today…  A few years after graduation, she was brutally beaten and left for dead. When I heard about it, my heart sunk…. Years later we managed to connect on facebook and it turns out she did know who I was and admired me.. Her therapy is going well but still, in my mind she’s still that girl from 1980

I absolutely support the vision of Pretty Girls Rock Dresses challenge as well as the road that we as gentlemen are embarking on here. However, A long time ago in 1980 I was a young man full of potential and a life ahead of me. My High School crush also had her whole life ahead of her until that tragic day when she was beaten so brutally and left for dead.

Pretty girls might rock dresses… and that’s cool….. However, in my view.. real pretty girls have the strength to be survivors…. So much happens to women at the hands of men, that its often times amazing to me why women haven’t given up on us all together

I observe a lot of pain and hurt on Facebook.. Literally you can observe the conception, and abortion of certain women’s relationship status in days.. weeks or months…. I’ve long contended that some people should NEVER pursue relationships at all. Hurt people only hurt other people… that’s real… Pay attention Gentlemen to your female friends and just observe how broken and damaged they are… then, do as I do… be a friend.. but NEVER try to be their man!!!

I wish it was as simple as me saying it was because of some man who did them wrong.. Truth, however, is stranger than fiction. This is the spin that some women will put on it to absolve themselves of any responsibility for the choice they made in choosing that man.  The hyperbole of “men are dogs” and “men are liars” runs rampant among the broken souls and broken spirits of some of the women on facebook… In the end, it can be reconciled by those same women looking in the mirror and owning some, if not most, of the responsibility of that choice

In the situation of my High School crush,  she had no choice…her life was forever altered by a man who brutalized her and left her to die in the cold... YET, she survives today with the same positive spirit and zest for life that she did a long time ago in 1980.. That man may have left her physically permanently scarred…. But he didn’t take from her what was most valuable. He didn’t steal from her, her joy.. her happiness… and her desire to survive..

It is way too easy to focus on the superficial aspect of dressing up… However as I’ve said what good does dressing up do if what’s inside is corrupt .. or broken… I’ve tried to make this blog about a little more than dressing up… I really want the gentlemen to focus on fixing themselves, and in so doing become better men for the women..

Why, because a long time ago in 1980 I was 15yrs old.. Full of youth… full of hope… full of life.. Today I’m a bit older, more mature, more financially secure…. I’ve got a career, a business, happy healthy children, a home and a life I wouldn’t trade for the world…

I understand more today of what it means to be a gentlemen then I did a long time ago in 1980… I understand that every day is precious and every life is valuable… I understand putting on a suit will never make you a Gentleman… I understand the impact we make on women can be either positive or negative…

I also understand that the prettiest girl I knew in high school survived a brutal attack… It kind of makes wearing suits and dresses superficial??? Makes griping about how that man or woman did you wrong seem kind of silly… Makes living life to its fullest more important!!!!

A long time ago in 1980 I was 15 and had a crush… A long time ago in 1980 I wore skinny ties and suits to high school…. Today the crush has turned to admiration for a friend who survives, in spite of what someone did to her… Today my ties are a bit wider, and my suits better quality.. Today I’m not a Gentlemen because I dress up… but because I’ve learned through tragedy after tragedy that the responsibility of man is to protect women… when we fail to do that.. we can neither call ourselves men.. or gentlemen…

Today Gentlemen, ensure that every woman on your friends list knows that she has your support should she get into trouble… Today gentlemen, learn how to be a friend without any romantic or sexual agenda… Because 30yrs from now... today will be a long time ago…

Editor – DNYC

I've got 99 Problems, but a chick aint one!!

Gentlemen, there’s a lot that we must contend with. Office politics, Corporate success, financial pressures to make more money, and competition…

Whoever said that being a man was easy wasn’t a man… Like Atlas, the weight of the world is on our shoulders. We don’t get an opportunity to rest and even in our leisure time we’re contemplating what’s next

This isn’t a gripe or complaint, I know many men who love their life and personally I wouldn’t trade mine for a minute.. Yes, there has been struggle, trial, and test… however, my testimony gives me a sense that my God stands with me.. Life is good when you love God, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh … or whomever you worship

Dating on the other hand and navigating the sea of women we all seem to encounter can be daunting, challenging and ultimately rewarding if you discern correctly

I’ve met women who quite honestly were not feeling me. For one reason or another I’ve heard a litany of “reasons”… from “you talk white” to “you’re too light”… I’ve heard you’re corny, proper and too polite… I’ve heard you’re getting ahead of yourself emotionally as well as you seem to know what you want, and I don’t

Whatever the reason, time always reveals the best and worst in people. Most of those who rejected me I’ve contemplated were never intended to be in my life… Wipe.. Flush… Don’t stand around to watch the bowl spin.

Success, however, seems to attract like a magnet. It’s amazing that those who didn’t want you when you’re on the bus or the train… all of a sudden see you when you push up in a luxury car…. Gentlemen, I’m not disputing the reality that women desire financial, emotional, and physical security… I’m simply saying when you’re successful…. Yeah, your options open up widely

The life issues, or problems that we as men contend with daily can either make you cry or give you the strength to get up and get moving. The woman of your life however should be a compliment to your life

For the most part, I sit back and observe women…  I have 3x more female facebook friends then male. In observing just my facebook friends I’ve witnessed the birth and abortion of relationships… I’ve witnessed women using facebook as therapy… I’ve witnessed women venting about dogs and foul trifling men THAT THEY CHOSE… YES THEY CHOSE… that man didn’t force himself into that relationship.

Even those I might have been interested in at one point, in observing their facebook wall and seeing how damaged they were by what they said… I immediately pulled back and most will never know of my interest..  why should they

Truth is, It took me a while to get my life in order emotionally, financially, spiritually, entrepreneurially, and career wise… It has been said that trying to fix broken glass only gets you cut!!!  So, Gentlemen my advice to you … No matter how fine she is… no matter what her attributes are…. DISCERN HER CHARACTER…  failure to do so will leave you as broken as the woman you are pursuing…

For the record, the woman that captivates your interest should accept you for who you are… and you should accept her…  Two half empty cups can never be full unless one is drained… Don’t be left drained Gentlemen..  She should compliment your life not take from your life, she should be a blessing to you… and quite honestly, if she’s not … leave her where you found her..

She may not be right for you… but she’s perfect for someone else..

Video: Jay-Z - 99 Problems

Enjoy the above video... and don’t let someone else’s problems become yours

Editor – DNYC

Why???? well "just because"

Gentlemen, I’d like to take a moment to talk about “just because”…. The reasons you do things and the agenda behind why you do what you do…

A few days ago I read a blog  a few days ago that asked the question to women “are you wife material, or are you a pussy”…  The title was crude and even the way the blog was written was in a vulgar vain… I’m not a prude… but certain language as it relates to women is a little disturbing…. But I digress!!!

Here is the blog: Are you Wife Material???

Nevertheless, the blog made a legitimate point that we as men seek woman as either sexual objects to be used and cast away… OR we see women as potential wife material and spend our time, energy, and financial resources to give her our last name and honor her with the title of “wife”

My dad told me when I was 11 or 12 that there are women you date … and women you marry….  DO NOT MARRY THE WOMAN THAT YOU’D DATE… now you may be saying to yourself ….. huh!!!!  That makes no sense, because you have to date the woman that you’d marry.. READ BETWEEN THE LINES… my dad was saying exactly what this blog was saying… That there are women, that are good for sex and nothing more..… and others that you’d marry… In the simplest sense we’ve all heard the adage.. don’t make a hooker a housewife…. Or try to make a housewife a hooker..

Women roundly reject this because they’ve been socialized to believe that every one of them is special , nothing can possibly be wrong with them, and that what is between their legs is more special than the next one… or the last one… or the jump off… etc…. There are actually women who believe that they have a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, Leprechauns, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy between their legs….  Those same women wonder why they’re at home alone week in and week out…. Just sayin…

That said, every man I know or have ever known has had a relationship that only lasted 3-6mo.. and the sex was good… but making a life with her was never going to happen… Women, as the blog states, believe that he effed up , or was a dog, or whatever excuse they use to rationalize  or justify the fact that they’ve been rejected … and some women have become masters at spinning the situation to make themselves look good and the man look bad…

TRUTH IS… IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP… AND TWO PEOPLE TO MESS IT UP, SABOTAGE IT, AND MAKE WHAT WAS SO RIGHT TURN SO WRONG….

So , Gentlemen lets discuss what your agenda is with the woman that you’re seeing on a regular basis… Are you Monogamous???? Are you a serial dater (seeing multiple women simultaneously)???? Are you seeing the woman as “wife” material??? Or are you seeing her as not being in your life longer than 3-6mo???

Gentlemen, The one real way that I’ve been able to determine what a woman means to me is when I find myself doing things “just because”... logic, reason and sometimes common sense thrown out the window... there is no reason.. I do it "just because"… One of the best ways to evaluate what you mean to her likewise is when she begins doing things “just because”

The truth is gentlemen, you know the reasons you’re with her and you know what your agenda is. When you find yourself leading that woman on or having her believe she’s in a serious monogamous relationship… when in your mind, she may be nice but the reality is YOU DO NOT SEE HER AS “WIFE” for whatever reason… Then perhaps you should re-evaluate ….

Find that woman that you’ll buy flowers for “just because”…. The one that you’d show up at her job to have lunch with her “just because”… The woman that you’re losing sleep thinking about, the one who you’re skipping meals… The woman that makes you smile, challenges your intellect, feeds your spirit (NOT JUST YOUR EGO), The woman that you WANT to spend time with... the woman who's company you enjoy ... Simply put, the woman that compliments your life..

That is the woman that you’ll do it “just because”… The reality is… that’s the one that you really want…. And the second truth is… that may not be the one you’re with now!!

Question is.. what is your reason for being with her… to waste her time and yours… or is she the one you really want… and the one you’d do things for “just because”???

Only you know!!

Editor - DNYC

How you Kiss.... IS how you kiss!!!! - Lets talk about Sex

Gentlemen… I’m going to let you in on a little secret that a woman told me a few years ago about oral sex… She said “How you kiss… is how you kiss”

She continued by saying that some women can judge how you will perform oral sex by how you kiss them… I queried for more information, so she continued.

Have you ever watched the movies, how they make kissing aggressive and intense. I said yeah… so…. She said, that’s not how a woman likes to be kissed. She’s not looking for you to play tonsil hockey, stick your tongue all down her throat, or kiss like it’s the last supper or you’re having a happy meal… Instead, she continued… soft, slow, passion filled kisses.

This is not something men usually discuss…. We always seem to discuss what we do, but never how it’s done. Too often men brag about “hitting it” or having oral performed on them… Rarely do men educate each other on HOW to be a better lover. How to leave her wanting more…

The truth is, if your woman isn’t thinking of you during the times that she’s NOT with you… then she’s really not into you.. For women, the love relationship connection is mental. My dad said to me at 12 or 13.. get into a woman’s mind and you’ll have her heart.  NOW I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT MIND GAMES, I’m speaking of the mental stimulation that has her ALWAYS thinking about YOU!!!

Now, back to the subject… as I stated before the kiss should be soft, slow, steamy, smoky.. Passionate.!!! You should not be checking her dental work or engulfing her face.... It should be similar to eating soft ice cream..  or hot soup… a little bit at a time..

Similarly, when you perform oral on her, your approach should be the same.. again, YOU’RE NOT EATING A HAPPY MEAL… nor are you a dog slopping away at a water dish…. The motion should be slow, and sensual.. mix in sucking with circular tongue action.. Everything should be rhythmic.. The clitoris is the source of most of the sensitivity so focus a lot of attention on the hood of her clitoris..

She will let you know when you can be more aggressive… and as she begins to climax you should definitely be more assertive…  Plan on being there for 30-45min because UNLIKE YOU… it takes her a little while to climax..  Also, most women will never tell you where their G-Spot is or how to stimulate it....  sorry gentlemen, we live in a sexually repressive society and some women just do not know… So don’t be surprised if you need to try a few things to get her to the mountaintop… Just don’t give up..  because  when you're there.. she'll tell you to stay there!!!! Spend some time putting in work, and you can bring her to orgasm, and multiple orgasm and multiple-multiple orgasm as you find out what pleases her…

In the end, I didn’t believe it when I was told, and you may not either..  Some of you may not even like performing oral on your woman??? Which is odd because you like it being performed on you.

This, Gentlemen is like any other skill; you must work on it… no one becomes an expert the first time out the gate… However, when you become good at pleasing your woman orally… she’ll spend her days wondering about what you’re doing and the next time she will see you….

DISCLAIMER:  Please be open about your sexual health and take necessary precautions to protect yourself against communicable diseases.. Oral Sex involves a great degree of trust, so get medically checked and tested for STD’s prior to performing or having performed oral sex.. Be Open, Ready and Willing to provide your mate your test results on a regular basis..

Return of the Gentleman doesn’t advocate high risk sexual behavior, nor do we take responsibility for the results of your actions…

Return of the Gentlemen does advocate monogamous, exclusive healthy relationships where the goal is marriage

Editor - DNYC

Culinary Skills

Gentlemen, today I’ll keep it short and simple…. If you can’t cook… LEARN!!!

Meal preparation takes only a little time and you can come off as superman if you learn some simple cooking techniques. No one is saying you need to be a chef at Le Cordon Bleu… But your idea of a meal for yourself shouldn’t be Burger King….

Too many men say “I need a woman that can cook”… well… Can you cook??? It’s hard to ask for something, or demand something when you do not have that skill…. Sort of  like asking for Tyra Banks when you look like jabba the hut!!! Doesn’t compute!!

On the food network, a married couple the NEELY’S have a cooking show, They are as country as all day… but they absolutely enjoy each other’s company. WHY… BECAUSE THEY COOK TOGETHER!!!! That love comes through in their cooking!!!

Fact is the best quality time you’ll have with your mate is assisting her in some of the domestic chores… AND COOKING… nothing is more sexy then helping your mate prepare the meals, or preparing the meals for your mate. Nothing builds closeness in the same way that cooking does..  But please Gentlemen, don’t sit on the couch demanding your woman make you something to eat… then complain that she doesn’t spend time with you???  If she’s spending her time taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, laundry… logic would say she doesn’t have time for you because she’s busy!!!! However, if you help her…. What excuse can she have..

If you wanted a maid.. hire a maid…. If you wanted to have the treatment that your mother gave you… move home!!! (your pops might not like that… b/c she’s his wife.. go find your own)… and if you wanted a cook.. then hire a cook…

The point is your mate is not your maid, housekeeper, cook or Mother..  But if you cook with her, clean with her, etc.. you will have a closer relationship because you’re exercising your “love is an action muscle”

In the end.. Every man should have one GOOD beef meal, chicken meal, pork meal, and fish meal.. if you add a decent soup meal to that .. that’s five days worth of eating. Gentlemen, and ladies who read this….. you shouldn’t be learning how to cook for your potential mate… you should be learning how to cook to feed yourself!!!

In the end gentlemen, learning to cook, having that skill is not for her… its for you!! Oh and By the way… SALT IS NOT A SEASONING!!!...

Personally I enjoy food with texture, flavor, and richness…  I enjoy cooking and over my life I’ve learned to prepare various meals… While my Grandmother could cook a mean meal… My grandfather was the chef….

Gentlemen, even if the woman you’re interested in cannot cook… she can learn something from you…. And you might just learn something from her…

But then again… how would you know if you don’t spend time together…

Just something to think about Gentlemen..

Editor - DNYC

What Do You Exemplify - Divine 9 Edition

Gentlemen, Today I want to speak to you about both who you are and what you exemplify.

The above 5 shields are those of Historically Black Fraternities.  Those Fraternal organizations have prepared many a young man for leadership, scholarship and have many successful and famous alumni. 

Each of these five have unique types of Gentlemen that they attract, and initiate into the respective organizations. All of which have national organizations, undergrad chapters and alumni chapters. The brotherhoods formed in these five organizations are lifetime bonds. Even when life kicks in and raising family or career pressures become priorities in life… That bond is ever present.

The uniqueness, reputation and Character of the men initiated in these five organizations are as unique as the organization themselves. 

In the movie “Stomp the Yard” the statement was made… The colors don’t make you… you make the colors… So, with that… what do you exemplify???

I will speak for my own Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Incorporated... Our slogan is “Achievement in Every Field of Human Endeavor”… I’ve known brothers who have been doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, and engineers. And the list goes on.  My own career took a path in the late 1980’s in Information Technology and I wasn’t exposed to a lot of brothers in my career stream, who could provide mentorship or guidance in how to navigate the corporate waters… 

My First Alumni Chapter had a lot of older brothers… in their late 40’s 50’s & 60's … Most of who were in my parent’s home church… So my understanding of Fraternity and what it meant was formed from the guidance of the old guard of that alumni chapter.. Shouts to Deacon Brother Garvin!!!

I never bought into the stereotype of my frat although I know a lot of brothers do… Still, what I’ve come to exemplify over the span of my life are virtues that fraternity life taught me… and my parents… and life experience. 

Those virtues I hold today are of high moral character, fidelity, brotherhood, and a sense that a man is more that himself… He is in fact the sum of his life experience parts. 

As I move through life. . People who know me know that I’m humble and loyal… and will give you the shirt off my back. I will give out of kindness an expect nothing less than excellence (notice I didn’t say perfection)… but striving for excellence in everything you do.  I don’t make excuses or have regrets for the decisions I make and take personal responsibility for the words that I speak and the actions I take. 

I try diligently to improve myself through secular therapy, self-help books, spiritual guidance, and yes brotherhood. I care for the whole man that is me..  I spend time in the spa and the gym working on the temple… I spend time on my knees communing with God… and I spend time with my nose in a book seeking knowledge and wisdom.

It’s that pursuit for excellence and achievement that I personally strive for... I also seek people of like mind to do the same… The irony is that not all those who share those values come from my fraternity… Some of the most respected people I know are Alpha's, Que’s and Sigma’s (sorry I don’t know any Iotas)….  Some of those same men embody the same values that I hold near and dear. 

So Gentlemen… While I understand that all of you are not members of any of the above Greek Organizations… what values do you exemplify…

Virtuous men come in all walks of life and every socio economic background. In the end, be that man… Be a Gentleman… Seek positive virtues and virtuous men to associate with, mentor to and commune with… 

As G-Money said to Nino Brown in New Jack City “I am my brothers keeper”.

God Bless,

Editor -DNYC 

Clothing Makes the Man??

The other day, I received a message on the Year of the Gentleman / Return of the Gentleman facebook group asking, “where are the pictures of the men suited up??”

My response was very simple and I thought everyone understood the purpose of our mission. While I agree that clothing makes the man and how a man dresses often reflects how he thinks or what he believes about himself. Clothing alone isn't going to make a Gentleman!!!

I was a little distressed that this woman was trying to define what a gentleman was. With each response she had a counter argument. With each explanation she stated those explanations were excuses... Too often we hear from women that we don't treat them well... is a good suit going to make that man treat you any better???? I think not!!!!

I am a firm proponent of this mission of Dressing 3 times a week … However, that is only one part of being a Gentlemen. Fact is, etiquette, grooming, mental health, spiritual heath, and physical health all goes hand in hand to create the complete man and by extension a Gentleman.

The odd thing about the Return of the Gentleman facebook group is that each time the focus shifts toward fashion or style alone… some one is there to  put on the brakes and make it clear that a gentleman is more than just clothing.

The reality is while clothing makes the man, it doesn’t make the Gentleman. The saying that one can put lipstick on a pig…. And it’s still a pig… I have no issue with promoting the challenge that removes this mindset of hip hop or athletic gear be the status quo. However, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT CLOTHING ALONE WILL RESOLVE A CHARACTER FLAW.

Gentlemen, what we are attempting to do here is create a mindset to promote the complete man.  While I respect the Pretty Girls Rock Dress Up Challenge, with all respect due... by their name alone it is a dress up challenge…  The Return of the Gentleman challenge at the end of the day is much more than dressing up.

With all respect due to the woman who took umbrage at the fact that there weren’t pictures posted of men suited and booted on 03.01.11…. for too long we’ve had women telling us how to be men and how to be Gentlemen..We will take suggestions and are open to what women desire, it’s men who have to hold other men accountable.

In the end, what good is a well dressed man if he’s not spiritually accountable…. or unwilling to take responsibility for his family, children or community.

Gentlemen… I want you to post pictures of yourselves looking good…. But I also want to see you post pictures of being Good fathers, responsible community citizens, and good people….

In the end… Clothing may in fact make the man…. But it may not necessarily make the Gentleman….

Editor – DNYC

03.01.2011 – It Begins

Gentlemen, I hope the last 30days or so as we ramped up for this Return of the Gentlemen has been enlightening. Today is day one! Allow me to hit on a few things real quickly so that you’ll have something to take away as knowledge

FASHION: We could care less about how you dress. You’ve all heard of lipstick on a pig… The same holds true here. Yes you can dress up, clean up, and look good. But the cars on the used car lots look good, under the hood may lie a different story.  YES… WE WILL PROMOTE STYLE, FASHION ETC… because the clothing does make the man… We will also work on the man… Michael Jackson start the change begins with the Man in the Mirror… Start with him and you’ll be good

ETIQUETTE: The lost art of chivalry, manners and etiquette must be brought into our mind as we move forward. A little bit of effort can go a long way. The daily concern about putting that woman first and considering her in all things must become part of your daily bucket list. There is no reason to be rude, crass, or vulgar in the presence of a lady. There is no reason you cannot say please and thank you even if you’re at the drive through at Burger King… What that woman is watching for is how you treat other people… yeah you can be sweet to her.. but if you’re an evil SOB towards everyone else.. eventually you’ll be like that towards her. The third pillar of etiquette is understanding how to do and when to do.. napkins in the top of your shirt is déclassé .. not knowing which is the salad fork and the dinner fork gets you an epic fail. You may not always eat Four Star dining, but your conduct even at Chili’s should be the same

MENTAL/SPIRITUAL: We are seeking the growth of the man. Being a well rounded Gentleman means stepping out of some traditional paradigms. Read a self help book, seek counseling, fix what is wrong with you before you approach a lady.. We all have childhood abandonment trauma or relationship drama… Work at resolving those issues before stepping out into the world. On the spiritual level, find a connection with God, Allah, Yahweh… or whomever the divine inspiration is to your faith.. Get on a path towards righteousness and walk that path daily.. Don’t make excuses for your sin.. Own what you do and what you say.. Treat everyone with the same respect you’d treat your mother.

GROOMING: A finished man should be well groomed.. The beard/goatee should be trimmed, a quality cologne, the hair line should be tightened up…. Etc…. Good grooming from oral care (brush, floss, rinse… repeat) to personal skin care should be considered in all things. There is nothing wrong with men having a spa day.. the stresses of a man are exponentially heavier than the stresses put on our female counterparts.. We must be ready to compete and win daily… so get a massage, get a manicure….. polish your overall look

HEALTH: I love popeyes fried chicken and soul food like the next man.. but it’s not healthy.. Lets begin making healthy food choices… I’ve removed a lot of saturated fat from my diet and for the most part eat white meat and fish. Beef I’m pretty much down to once a month.. I’ve gotten rid of white rice.. white sugar… white flour… in lieu of brown rice, natural sugar, and multi-grain baked products and flours… THERE IS LITTLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHOLE WHEAT AND WHITE WHEAT… If you have a choice, choose multi-grain based products.. Exercise also becomes critical. We need to live for the women in our lives.. this means regular exercise 30-45min 4 times a week.. Get off the couch.. turn off sports center and move… Gentlemen also work on your cardio daily… your stamina will improve sexually, and your woman will be very happy that you did… Remember the penis needs blood and oxygen… the best way to improve blood flow, and oxygen to the penis is through cardio….

SEX: We’ve all done it.. and all will.. Men are somewhat unique in that we can have sex without emotion. We don’t fall in love based on the sex. Fact is for survival of the species and to progenerate of our family names sex becomes a means to an end. Fact is a woman can only get pregnant once every nine months… Men can impregnate every 36hrs… Thus we’ve been designed to have sex without emotion…. HOWEVER, as we become mature sophisticated men, we cannot continue to think with our penis. For us to have full healthy relationships we must desire more than a one night stand… There’s been a lot of talk on facebook about the jump off, booty buddy, side chick etc…. As men, we’ve all either had that situation or have it now.. We must understand that our sexual health as well as the health of the womb we come from must be honored and respected.. We must be aware of all the sexual techniques on how to keep our women satisfied… We must also be aware of the methods to prevent disease and pregnancy…  Going raw is not an option with a woman who’s not your wife…

FINANCIAL: GENTLEMEN, lets be responsible with our financial resources, if you cannot afford to date then don’t date…. The luxury car parked at an apartment is lack of priorities.. The throwing money up in a strip club is a lack of knowledge… Be responsible in your debts, ensuring you’re paying on time..  Discern that woman that will go through your credit card like paper… be a good steward of what you’re blessed with.. Prepare yourself financially to have a wife, kids, a home… so that when it happens you’re not struggling trying to figure out how to pay for it all.

So, this is day one of the Year of the Gentleman, Return of the Gentleman.. Lets move forward to make positive impacts on the women that we encounter, date, are engaged to or are married to..  Lets give them a reason to love respect and trust us… Scripturally, lets submit ourselves one to another Eph 5:21 .. Lets be leaders in our homes and in our communities…

My final note.. lets cease the open hostility, mistrust and anger towards our women. The statement “all women do this or that” and “all women are gold diggers” should not spew from your lips from this day forward… make good choices in the women you bring into your life… and don’t enter a woman’s life to make a mess of her life… Be a Gentleman in all things you do.. and watch how the women respond.

Editor - DNYC