A long time ago in 1980

Gentlemen,  A long time ago in 1980 I was 15yrs old… While for me it seems like just yesterday… Reagan was in office, Anwar Sadat was the major figure in the middle east, there were only 15 Superbowls,  High School Graduation was still 2yrs away and John Lennon was dead

A long time ago in 1980 I had so many dreams… The NFL dream, the Track Star dream, the College Dream and the Computer Science Dream…. Never once did I have the Entrepreneur Dream, the Father dream, the fraternity dream etc….. I digress

A long time ago in 1980 I had a crush on the prettiest girl in my High School, yet, I thought she didn’t even know I was alive. Oddly, I had the same style of dress and swagger that I have today…  A few years after graduation, she was brutally beaten and left for dead. When I heard about it, my heart sunk…. Years later we managed to connect on facebook and it turns out she did know who I was and admired me.. Her therapy is going well but still, in my mind she’s still that girl from 1980

I absolutely support the vision of Pretty Girls Rock Dresses challenge as well as the road that we as gentlemen are embarking on here. However, A long time ago in 1980 I was a young man full of potential and a life ahead of me. My High School crush also had her whole life ahead of her until that tragic day when she was beaten so brutally and left for dead.

Pretty girls might rock dresses… and that’s cool….. However, in my view.. real pretty girls have the strength to be survivors…. So much happens to women at the hands of men, that its often times amazing to me why women haven’t given up on us all together

I observe a lot of pain and hurt on Facebook.. Literally you can observe the conception, and abortion of certain women’s relationship status in days.. weeks or months…. I’ve long contended that some people should NEVER pursue relationships at all. Hurt people only hurt other people… that’s real… Pay attention Gentlemen to your female friends and just observe how broken and damaged they are… then, do as I do… be a friend.. but NEVER try to be their man!!!

I wish it was as simple as me saying it was because of some man who did them wrong.. Truth, however, is stranger than fiction. This is the spin that some women will put on it to absolve themselves of any responsibility for the choice they made in choosing that man.  The hyperbole of “men are dogs” and “men are liars” runs rampant among the broken souls and broken spirits of some of the women on facebook… In the end, it can be reconciled by those same women looking in the mirror and owning some, if not most, of the responsibility of that choice

In the situation of my High School crush,  she had no choice…her life was forever altered by a man who brutalized her and left her to die in the cold... YET, she survives today with the same positive spirit and zest for life that she did a long time ago in 1980.. That man may have left her physically permanently scarred…. But he didn’t take from her what was most valuable. He didn’t steal from her, her joy.. her happiness… and her desire to survive..

It is way too easy to focus on the superficial aspect of dressing up… However as I’ve said what good does dressing up do if what’s inside is corrupt .. or broken… I’ve tried to make this blog about a little more than dressing up… I really want the gentlemen to focus on fixing themselves, and in so doing become better men for the women..

Why, because a long time ago in 1980 I was 15yrs old.. Full of youth… full of hope… full of life.. Today I’m a bit older, more mature, more financially secure…. I’ve got a career, a business, happy healthy children, a home and a life I wouldn’t trade for the world…

I understand more today of what it means to be a gentlemen then I did a long time ago in 1980… I understand that every day is precious and every life is valuable… I understand putting on a suit will never make you a Gentleman… I understand the impact we make on women can be either positive or negative…

I also understand that the prettiest girl I knew in high school survived a brutal attack… It kind of makes wearing suits and dresses superficial??? Makes griping about how that man or woman did you wrong seem kind of silly… Makes living life to its fullest more important!!!!

A long time ago in 1980 I was 15 and had a crush… A long time ago in 1980 I wore skinny ties and suits to high school…. Today the crush has turned to admiration for a friend who survives, in spite of what someone did to her… Today my ties are a bit wider, and my suits better quality.. Today I’m not a Gentlemen because I dress up… but because I’ve learned through tragedy after tragedy that the responsibility of man is to protect women… when we fail to do that.. we can neither call ourselves men.. or gentlemen…

Today Gentlemen, ensure that every woman on your friends list knows that she has your support should she get into trouble… Today gentlemen, learn how to be a friend without any romantic or sexual agenda… Because 30yrs from now... today will be a long time ago…

Editor – DNYC