Good Morning Gentlemen, This morning I want to discuss with you how we are all in some way damaged by life experiences...
Before I start, I want to back up and perhaps address some things we should be doing on the front side before we begin dating. ALL of us have some trauma in our lives. For some it’s childhood abandonment trauma, for others its not forming the bond with mom or dad, and yet for others it’s relationship trauma
I find it somewhat ironic that for at least the last 50yrs single women have been raising young black boys into men… Only for the next generation of women to complain about how trifling those men are…. For some of those women it’s no fault of their own… they were married and divorced & forced with the responsibility of raising boys to men… for others they made choices that made them single mothers…
Whatever the situation, women cannot raise boys to be men… I don’t care how strong or independent the woman… it’s impossible because these women have never been men. We’re seeing a rise in “down low” brothers because for 18-20yrs they’ve been watching AND EMULATING THEIR MOTHERS.. On the flip side, you have men who use their penis to express their manhood..
Those of us who did have strong men and women in our lives as parents who gave us foundation., even that was not without struggle. My own parents struggled to make ends meet and barely spent time with us trying to make a better life…
Fact is, we’re all damaged… Whether you want to admit it or not, take a long strong look in the mirror and assess who you are, how you’ve been hurt…. BUT THE NEXT STEP IS TO TAKE THAT ASSESSMENT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!
Statistically, African Americans do not seek therapy.. This is a problem because many of the issues we face, much of the damage NEEDS to have an outside party looking and assessing giving us strategies to work out our issues.
Gentlemen, don’t be afraid to ask for help!!!.. There are self help books, men’s groups, spiritual counseling and secular counseling. Don’t assume for a moment that you are perfect and cannot improve. Don’t assume that you don’t need help when it’s obvious to everyone around you that you do.. Introspection is critical to understanding your faults and coming to some conclusions on what areas you need to work on.
This leads us to dating…. Gentlemen, I’m sorry to report.. You shouldn’t be dating if you’re damaged. It’s unfair to dump all of your issues on someone else’s doorstep. I’ve operated on the thought that said hurt people hurt people… Your damages, wounds, baggage, & damage is only going to hurt the woman that you may profess your love to. If she is the woman that is intended for you she will work with you and help you work through those issues. If she’s unwilling or unable to wait for you to resolve those issues, LET HER GO!!! Your damages are only going to damage her!!! That’s real!!!!
I cannot express to you more gentlemen that this “Return of the Gentlemen” movement is not about clothing and external appearance. We must support each other and change the way we think and behave.
You have plenty of time, don’t be in a rush to force a relationship when clearly you’re not ready… For those already dating or married… look in the mirror and seek whatever therapy you may need… and allow your spouse or mate to be part of that process… IT WILL BRING YOU CLOSER… For those single Gentlemen out there.. Take some time to work on you… to fix you to become whole….
Gentlemen, remember two halves make only ONE… Two wholes make TWO.. Work on becoming a whole person. Then and only then will you be in a position to enrich her life on a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical level
Be blessed Gentlemen
Editor - DNYC
Only problem is I think some things in live you cannot overcome on your own. At times it takes anothers perspective and encouragement to see, realize and move to a area of change and growth.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on this one. Too many people dont realize that they do have unresolved issues, pain or other issues that they are dealing with and they bring this issues into all thier relationships (friends, work, intimate)and end up hurting others. To quote you "hurt people, hurt people" and this is true. I think it is best that if you know you have things you need to deal with, let that other person go before they end up HURT and seek help. Our culture does look down on seeking professional help. We are taught to "just be quiet" or "give it time and it will pass". The truth is, it does not pass. I am a firm believer that if you have unresolved issues, seek professional help. Friendly ADVICE from those around you only gives a temporary fix and you end up sitting in silence and your issues are still unresolved
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